More Photos - The Brothers Hillstrand

The boys and I in Concord, NC. Andy is sticking his tongue out. They started laughing when they saw me and I tossed a stuffed bird at Andy. I told him he was in BIG trouble as this was Squacky's brother...CRISPY...and he was out for revenge. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you need to see the last show.

A slightly better version of the photo from the Cleveland signing.

I can't figure out why my pics came out so badly. Normally my camera and photos are On Point. Just not lucky this time around. Of course it means the next time they're in town I will have to force myself to see them...I know, life is filled with sacrifice.

Johnathan and I in Concord, NC. I was coming north, he was headed south - two ships that pass in the night...

Okay, bad pun.

He threw his arm around me and whispered, 'didn't we just do this a few days ago?'

We had but that didn't stop us from posing again. LOL.

If nothing else, the weather down south was fabulous. For this Ohio girl - I could use all the warm weather I can get...and if you throw in a handsome man...where do I stand in line? :)

Much fun was had....I swear I only got about 3 hours sleep each time. I'm way too old for this craziness. :)

The Deadliest Men - The Brothers Hillstrand from Deadliest Catch

Yes, I know the photo is crappy.

The person taking the photo didn't know what they were doing...as we can tell. :)

Yes, if you squint you will see that is the Brother's Hillstrand from Discovery's Deadliest Catch. So how was I lucky enough to end up in a yummy Hillstrand sandwich? They were doing a signing in Cleveland so I headed up to get a book signed and here I am.

They were almost exactly as they appear on the show - warm, welcoming and just fun to hang out with.

After the signing we hit the bar (yes, I always make it a habit to pick up signing authors and take them out to get drunk - LOL!) and had a fun filled evening watching the latest episode of Deadliest Catch while downing the world famous Duck Farts - a drink from Alaska. They're really good and the recipe is below.

The funniest part of the evening was watching the show...then looking over to see Johnathan....then seeing Andy on tv....and there he was less than 2 feet away. Talk about SURREAL. They hadn't seen the show so we were yelling at the screen and they gave me all the scoop on the other kids on the show.

And what was the most important question I asked them? Does Sig go tanning? He's starting to look a little like George Hamilton....

Andy - thanks for letting me pester you unmercilessly with questions, see you soon.

Johnathan - it is out there man - and its YOURS for the taking - love you!

Duck Fart Recipe:

1 part Kahlua

1 part Irish Cream

1 part Crown Royal (Whiskey)

You can either layer it in a glass or shake it up with ice like a martini - Watch out, they will KICK your ass. :)

First Love

I was in the shower this morning and it hit me - if my breasts sag any more then I'll be in danger of tripping over them.

Oh wait, that's not my topic.

Do you remember your first love? You know - the one over which you took great pains to be 'ready' should you run into them? Just saying their name was enough to make you giddy for hours and you can't stop smiling like a fool when someone mentions them. Maybe you were in high school and that One Perfect Soul was in your history class and you absolutely obsessed over seeing them. Just a glance of their beloved face was enough to cause you to float on air the rest of the day.

Then, if you were really, really lucky - they brushed past you in the hall and their sleeve touched your arm. You swore to your friends you would never ever wash that arm again.

The motherlode came when they actually SPOKE to you. Ah...the sheer rapture of just hearing their sexy voice directed at you - their unknown love of their life. For the next two days you relive those seconds when they spoke to you...'did you know you have a bugger hanging out of your nose?' and you swear those words were spoken only to you and you alone. Never had something so utterly poetic been spoken to anyone else in the world. You Have Found The Greatest Of All Loves.

Remember that?

My first crush was the fourth grade - his name was Phillip and he moved away in the fifth. I was crushed, inconsolable....until the next cute boy came along. Yeah, I'm fickle at times. :)

My first real 'love' was in high school. His name was Johnny Jones (how original) and he worked at the skating rink. His co-worker (Doug of the frosted hair) was my best friend's crush so we went through the agonies of the damned getting ready to go skating.

First the hair had to be curled to within an inch of its life. Back in the early 80's this meant wrapping your hair in the curling iron and brandishing a can of Aqua Net at the same time. You sprayed your hair ON THE IRON until it crackled. Once you saw a whiff of smoke - it was ready.

Next was the makeup - heavy on the blue and applied with a palette knife. I wore so much mascara that I was in danger of gluing my eyes shut.

Next - the clothes. Now this was the most important part! Blue jeans - VERY TIGHT. If you could fit your finger between the waistband and your skin, they were too loose. We would dry our pants for HOURS before laying on the bed to zip them up. It was also the very last thing we'd put on as we didn't want our clothing to stretch before our loves saw us in our immaculate state.

Shirt - yes, a little cleveage was necessary - a lot was better. The goal was to fall down on the floor so they'd skate over and see if you were okay. Lots of cleavage would leave a good impression...on the floor maybe. :)

So this morning I was thinking, I don't believe that we ever fall in love with the same enthusiasm as we do that first time. People come and go from our lives and we begin building up this wall between us and the world where we guard our hearts even if only a little. I think it's sad and we're cutting ourselves off from the human experience even though it is understandable.

So your mission, should you chose to accept it, sometime this week find something that just amuses the hell out of you and THROW yourself into it with all the enthusiasm of a three year old. I think we would all be better off if we'd embrace that child side of ourselves and let them out to play. :)

13 Signs You're a 'Deadliest Catch' Fanatic

13 Signs You're a Deadliest Catch Fanatic 13. You hear the DC theme and your heart beats just a little faster.12. You catch yourself building a crab pot using only old fencing and duct tape.11. You then find yourself trying to toss said homemade crab pot into your tub and catch Red Gold, baby!10. Your pajamas have a photo of the Northwestern across the chest.9. You name your kids Edgar, Russell, Johnathan and Maverick.8. Your favorite game is pin the cigarette in Phil's mouth.7. You wake up screaming, 'Shut up and fish!'6. You think wearing an orange slicker is the latest in fashion statements.5. At your wedding, the song for your first dance is Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive.4. While on the treadmill you listen to the DC soundtrack.3. All your friends and family know not to call you when DC is on or you'll 'show them there's only one captain on this ship.'2. You keep hoping that in your next life you'll come back as a horse so Andy can 'whisper' to you.1. You are arrested in the local grocery store for feeling up the frozen crab while screaming, "big, big, big, big, big, big."

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James Frey....Fried....

I'm BACK and feelin' SNARKY!

In a recent Galley Cat Feed, author (koff....fraud....koff) James Frey announced that he 'feared and loathed' the press and wouldn't be doing any any other interviews.

Wait a minute - wasn't this revealed in an INTERVIEW? According to the article, his publisher asked him to do more press and he did this one interview...so I guess he was just following orders?

I've got news for Mr. Fried - if an author isn't willing to do something to promote their work, then they aren't serious about their craft. Doing the promotional work involved with writing is every author's least favorite part. Let's face it, our job forces us to be solitary creatures - does anyone think we want to be shoved out the front door in our panties?

Uh, no.

IMO, his 'fear and loathing' of the press is due to the fact that he lied and was outted by the press. He needs to put on his Big Boy Panties and face the mess he created instead of making lame excuses.

Karma can be a real bitch...and I just love her.

Cheapskate Friday

Growing up we pinched every penny until it screamed bloody murder. Looking back now, it wasn't easy but I thank my lucky stars because I can make fifteen dollars last for a week of meals!

Since the economy is going into the ditch, we could all use a few extra dollars to get by. I thought I'd share some of my favorite money saving tips and I asked my friends to share some too.

Laundry - My latest and greatest discovery is Sudsy Ammonia - you can find it in the cleaning products. Use 1/4 cup along with HALF of your normal amount of laundry detergent and your clothing will come out smelling fresh and sweet. This is especially good if you are washing something particularly smelly like gym clothes or dog beds. This stuff is a miracle!

Grocery Bags - It takes 1000 years for a simple plastic bag to decompose. Buy cloth bags and reuse them over and over again.

Coupons - don't be afraid to clip coupons! Thanks to the Internet:

http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv8-msgr&p=coupons&type=

you can find coupons for almost anything you want to buy. Mom is the Queen of the Coupons and it isn't unusual for her to save 50.00 or more every time she shops.

Milk - buy powdered milk and mix it with half regular milk. If you serve it ice cold then no one will notice. This is also good for cooking.

Ramen Noodles - Hey, love them or hate them, they are a college student's staple. Here are a ton of recipes to use for Ramen Noodles:

http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0geu.FqcCRI.WwAOGlXNyoA?fr2=sg-gac&sado=1&p=101%20ramen%20noodle%20recipes&fr=slv8-msgr&ei=UTF-8

Turn down the thermostat - In the winter we keep it around 66 and in the summer 74. Not only are we saving money but we also help the planet.

Cooking - Learn how to Braise meat. You can buy the cheapest cuts and create a masterpiece with a good braising liquid.

http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0geu8pucCRI2k0Bn19XNyoA?fr2=sg-gac&sado=1&p=braising%20recipes&fr=slv8-msgr&ei=UTF-8

Postage - pay everything online. I think I send out maybe 2 checks a month now. :)

And now some suggestions from my friends:

Jennifer Dunne - I bought a refrigerator negative ionizer that was recommended by my cooking club. It keeps foods from going moldy in the fridge, so I don't have to throw out fruits, salad greens, and vegetables because they've gone bad, or make multiple trips to the grocery store each week to buy foods right before I use them. Plus, it also gets rid of food odors, so I don't have to throw out foods because they're "off".

Kate Douglas - We got rid of the extra car that just sat in the driveway...with hubby retired we realized we almost always go places together and he’s got his motorcycle if I need the car. Saved us on insurance and registration. The only one we have is an economy pickup that gets good mileage—with gas up here already $4.18 a gallon for regular, we’re definitely watching the number of trips we take!

Sharon Horton - I highly recommend garage sales and visiting those antique/junk stores that have popped up all around. Last weekend, I went to a garage sale and saw a carousel horse that I recognized as being worth a pretty penny. I collect them, so I knew this horse probably retailed for a few hundred dollars. The tag said "make offer", but when I asked about the cost, the woman said she was hoping to get between $30.00 and $40.00 dollars. I offered to split the difference at $35.00 and she (happily) took it.
In addition to my carousel horse, I've saved lots of money by purchasing lamps, tables, wooden furniture and even decorative faux plants by visiting garage sales. Also, I like the idea of buying used items because it feels like I'm helping in the recycling effort.

JL Wilson - I also endorse Freecycle (a yahoo group) or Craigslist. I've sold 3 handheld computers in the last 2 days on Craigslist and since they were sitting around gathering dust, anything I got for them was a win.
Don't forget Goodwill or the Salvation Army. I got an excellent end table at Goodwill for $8 -- it's supposed to be one of those decorative flower pot holders, but I use it to store my TBR stack, thus freeing up space on the real end table for other things. And I've gotten some great clothing at Salvation Army for $2 - $3 each -- oversized men's shirts that I wear over a tank top in the summer time.
I also score big at K-Mart, which is my first stop shopping place. They've merged with Sears and Lands End, so the quality is really pretty good (Craftsmen tools, etc.)
Really, though, the best tip is STOP AND THINK: do I need it? will I use it? is it essential? do I have something that will work? We just rennovated our house, redesigning our home offices. I reused just about every piece of furniture (with some painting and some 'editing') and only added new bookcases from IKEA where needed. We added trim pieces of molding, and the $300 bookcases look custom-made and built-in.

NJ Walters - One of the best ways to save money is to ask yourself if you really need something before you buy it. Look at the clothing in your closet before you actually buy new. Be realistic--how many pairs of shoes or purses do you actually need. I know it's tough, but it's better to have two or three fabulous purses, or pairs of shoes, you love then to have a closet full of ones you don't use. If the clothing item or accessory is still good, but you're just tired of wearing it, then donate it before you buy more.
Shop thrift stores and yard sales. There's not a new dish in my cupboard. They're all yard sale. My every day dishes are from the early 1900's. It's cool to eat off vintage dishes every day.
Use public transit when possible.
Use reusable bags.
Once every six months, live off what's in your cupboard before you go out and buy new. If you're inventive, you'd be amazed how many days you can go before you have to buy much food. That way the food that is stored in your pantry doesn't expire and have to be tossed.

Ann Bruce - I did a TT on Saving Money at:

http://annbruce.wordpress.com/2008/04/30/tt-16-money-matters/

So what things do you do to save a few dollars?

Granny and the airbag...

My sister sent me this and it is too funny. The story is a lady was out videotaping some kids skateboarding when she hears the screech of tires. She turns to see whats going on and...well...its all here in humiliating glory.

Shut up and FISH!

I've always been fascinated with the way the human brain works. My father taught me how to love my brain when I was a kid and it isn't really something I can describe very well. But if you think about a maze - like the ones you played with as a child - your brain is very much like that. You start out thinking about one thing such as buying milk then 5 seconds later you're contemplating just how much lint your belly button can hold.

Okay - its a vivid image but just go with it...

I'm an avid blog reader. I admit, I like the bits of gossip as much as the belly button lint pondering. I enjoy seeing how other's minds work and how they move from one topic to the next. Are they a ranter? (I am - I pick a rant then chew it to death) Are they a Meanderer? (a person who wanders from topic to topic, taking time to get to their goal) Are they a type A blogger? (all bullet points) Are they a mumbler? (someone who comments on a lot of things but never really tells you what they believe - I think they're afraid of commitment but thats just me)

So I openly admit that I've been reading the other blogs who have been commenting on my inadvertent kerfuffle regarding the recent RT conference. That said, I haven't commented on any of them. Why? Because my father taught me that it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth (or keyboard) and prove it.

One of my favorite shows is Deadliest Catch on the Discovery channel. One of the captains, Sig Hansen, loves to say, 'Shut up and Fish,' when the crew gets to complaining. So rather than comment on the blogs, the only thing I have to say is -

'Shut up and Fish.' :)

Fantastic News...

I'm pleased to report that I'm not front page news on any of the blogs today...thankyouverymuch! :)

Yesterday I spent most of the day excavating my library/bedroom. I'm in the midst of redoing my bedroom so my bed is here in my library. The best part is if I sit at the computer for too long I only have to get up and fall sideways to get into bed.

The worst part is that I only have to get up and fall sideways into bed. :)

I find I'm watching more television now (I don't keep a tv in the bedroom) and since the tv and bed are in the same place...well, you get the picture.

If you believe / do Feng Shui then you already know when you hit a rough patch in your life, you need to move things around. Movement in your environment changes the energy flow and will enable you to perk up a bit. (unless you're me and move too much then wear yourself out and end up needing a nap!)

So I'm going to spend today and tomorrow putting my library to rights so that I can write and feel peaceful in here. With all the clutter I find it makes me edgy...that and I lose things. Nothing irritates me more than misplacing something that I know I was the last one to use / touch. So organizing and cleaning, for me, is a great way to relieve stress and frustration.

What do you do to relieve frustration?

Taking the High Road

One trick my father taught me was when I wake up in the morning, to automatically say, 'this is the first day of the rest of your life.' Okay, it is a little schmaltzy but it does serve as an important reminder - no matter what you do in life, that deed can be redeemed. You cannot change your history but you can change the path you're walking.

I grew up in a negative household. It was always about what bad thing was going to happen next. Both of my parents were ill and I was the major caretaker, I was the one that held it together and it was hard, harder than even I can imagine or remember.

In my late thirties I decided I'd had enough of that constant negativity and I decided to turn it around. Rather than the 'why me' mentality I'd picked up in childhood, I turned it around to 'if I have enough breath to bitch about it, then I'm doing better than many.' How true that is.

In the past few years I turned myself from a glass half empty to a glass half full personality and that is something I love about myself. A sense of humor and the ability to see through all the bull is what will get you through life with a lot less bumps than someone who is constantly negative. There is nothing that I can't handle - I can roll with the punches and come up smiling.

I lost sight of that for a few minutes.

There has been a lot of negativity swirling around me lately and I allowed myself to get sucked into it. I forgot one of my life 'rules', just because someone says something, that doesn't make it true.

Several people have been making erroneous negative statements about me and my person and after two weeks of nonstop negativity, I allowed myself to get sucked in yesterday. I was angry, depressed and feeling negative about everything until I remembered something important - they weren't talking about me.

One of my favorite ANTM moments is when some of the girls are gossiping about another girl and they were being very bitchy about it. 'Mama' stepped in and told them, 'when someone is hating on someone else, it isn't about that person. It's because the haters are feeling insecure or threatened by the person they are hating on.'

How true it is. I don't know why certain people have decided I'm their target of the moment but it really doesn't matter as sooner or later it will be someone else. Rather than poking at me they should be looking at themselves and their lives to try and determine why they are acting out in such a hateful fashion. It's their issue, not mine.

So repeat after me - Just because someone says something, it doesn't make it true.

So for those who continue to take shots at me, just imagine what you could accomplish if you used your talents for good rather than bad? :)

I think I'm being stalked...

Once again I've made the front page of Karen Scott's blog. This is what, the fourth time in two weeks?

Karen, I had no idea you cared so much. :)

I'm not pressed about making front page news, let's face it - as a writer any publicity it good as long as they spell your name right. What concerns me more is the REASON why I'm front page news.

Once again, for the second or third time, one of my fellow authors is trying to give me the put down for writing my experiences on RT. (go to Karen's blog as she has a link, I'm not going to give this person any publicity) She has deemed it necessary to attack me for using multiple pen names and / or alias' in her words.

What pains me more than anything else is that said author cannot see what damage she's doing to herself and her credibility. The entire reason she is attacking me is because I wrote my thoughts on the latest RT conference and she felt that a) I showed her publisher in a bad light (ignoring the fact that I never mentioned any publisher until SHE did on my blog) and b) that I work for another publishing house under another name (this hasn't been a secret for the past year as I introduced myself in early 2007 as this publisher's representative.)

She's made her point (right or wrong) and yet she insists upon beating this into the ground over and over again as if she was three years old.

Guess what, author - we get it - you don't like me. You've made your point now leave it alone and try to salvage what little credibility you have left.

P.S. - you might want to remove my link from your blog Friends list - it looks a little whack that you list me a friend while you're attacking me.

Wednesday Morning Shout Out!

I want to give a shout out to my local Starbucks. This morning has been *so* hectic that I forgot to put my wallet back in my purse. (how stupid can I be???) When I went to order my vanilla latte and Low Fat Cranberry Oat Bran muffin...I had no way to pay for it. I finally managed to scrounge up 2.00 in stray change and they gave me my coffee for free.

Guess I should've ordered a bigger one, huh? :)

Thanks, Ladies!!!

Recommended Read

It's rare that I recommend a book - mainly because I read so little anymore. Last year I think I might've read 8 books - used to be I'd read that much in a week. :)

But I did manage to devour Shadow Magic by Cheyenne McCray and I LOVED it.

Here is the blurb:

THE SINS OF THE PAST
When Hannah Wentworth temporarily flees her life in San Francisco to join her sister D’Anu witches in Otherworld, she vows to help them conquer the evil bent on destroying the human realm. But the only one who can help her happens to be the king of the Dark Elves. The father to her nemesis, Rhiannon of the D’Anu. And the one man Hannah can never, ever trust...especially because of her dangerous attraction to him.
ARE COMING TO LIGHT…
Garran knows that the beautiful, headstrong Hannah is wary of him for having banished his people to a life underground. But now Garran can right that wrong by helping her and the other gray witches in their dangerous battle in San Francisco—even if doing so means sacrificing the passion he’s found only in Hannah’s arms…

The art of the snark & maintaining your composure as the cabin decompresses...

At a young age I'd already perfected the snark though back then it wasn't called that. My father used the term 'smart ass' or 'wise ass'. My question for you - is your ass really wise or smart? I mean, it kinda just sits there...pardon the pun.

"Ewww...you're adopted...your parents didn't want you..."
"Oh yeah? Well my parents chose me and yours were stuck with you."

But I digress. I was adopted at an early age and back in the (koff) early seventies (koff) it was unusual to be adopted let alone admit it. Somehow it had become a topic of conversation at school and the kids began to tease me about it and this was when the snark spirit came alive in me.

"Damn, did you see how fat she is?"
"Fat can be cured, stupid can't."

Mean people, you know, the ones that say nasty things behind your back - in general they're wimps. If they had the balls God gave them, when they had an issue they'd say it to your face. But we all know people like that - who bend with the breeze of the climate of their friends. In general they will just suck the life out of you. All it takes is a little face to face action and they'll back down like cotton candy in the rain.

"I heard she blew the gym teacher to get an A."
"Who told you this?"
"The gym teacher."
"And you were dumb enough to believe him?"

Tyler Perry (Director, Actor, Playwright - I HIGHLY recommend checking out his plays, they are hilarious) put it best when he said there were three kinds of people in the world. Leaves, branches and roots. The leaves are the friends that are only there for a good time - can't depend upon them but they are amusing for the moment.

"She could sell advertising on an ass that size..."
"You could too if you'd quit shoving your finger down your throat..."

The branches are the friends that want to be dependable but just don't have the backbone to do it. In order to be a good friend, it takes effort on all parts and these guys are in it for the short run. Put too much pressure on them and they snap.

"Hey babe, you look like you need to get lucky..."
"Why, are you leaving soon?"

Then there are the roots. The roots are the ones who are with you for the long haul. They've seen your stretch marks and heard about your hemorroids and love you anyway. They help you hide the bodies and know where your secret chocolate stash is - they let you rant and rave about your significant other (or insignificant other depending upon your mood) and they don't think you're nuts to stay with him/her. They're the ones who have your back in a dog fight...or a white sale - whichever comes first.

So what is the point of this blog?

Say what you mean and mean what you say. People may (will) try to twist it but if you're honest, there's nothing about that which can be twisted. When people draw erroneous conclusions about you, your person or your spirit, it only reflects badly upon them. Chances are they are feeling unhappy or threatened by you in some way - that's when the bitch comes out.

Don't ever dull your shine to make someone else feel better about themselves - they won't appreciate it.

ROCK ON!

Current Obsessions

I'm like most Americans in that we all have our obsessions be they life long or momentary. My life long obsessions include:

Reese's Big Cup - I'm all about the peanut butter and this candy gives the proper amount. Big peanut butter, little chocolate. I'm all about that.

500 thread count sheets - once you sleep on them you'll give up your cable tv to pay for them.

gardening - Mom started me off with playing in the mud and I haven't stopped yet. The only difference now is I do hire someone for the heavy lifting.

Movies - I grew up watching musicals from the forties and fifties. On saturday afternoon I could usually be found in front of the television watching old Bob Hope or Fred Astaire movies.

My dogs - I've had dogs all my life and now I have three. I'd have three more if I didn't think it would send mom off the deep end. :)

Then we all have momentary obsessions -

Big Brother - I was obsessed until James was kicked off. It just wasn't any more fun without him.

America's Next Top Model - I love this show and I never miss it, even when they have the day long marathons.

Swimming - I love to swim and when I'm not traveling I hit the pool about four times a week.

Cooking - I love to cook but I usually lie down and wait until the urge passes. (It isn't the cooking, its the cleaning up I hate)

Driving - This is a new obsession with me. In the last 6 years I've put about 80k miles on my car just flitting from place to place. A six hour drive to Nashville is just getting warmed up for me. :)

So what are some of your favorite obsessions?

The current kerfuffle...

Once again I have made Karen Scott's blog though this time it wasn't for anything I said. It was because a fellow author felt it necessary to point out my 'lack of professionalism' by coming to my blog and posting her thoughts. Then, on her blog, said author posted my URL in conjunction with vultures and the tabloid press.

Tabloid? Not even...

This is going to be my last comment on all of this silliness. I wrote about the conference because I always write about the cons that I attend during the year. At no point in time did I poke fingers at a publisher, a particular cover model, author or reader. People have put so many words in my mouth that any minute I expect to get credit for the Gettysburg Address.

Go read my blog and you will see that commentors outted some people (including said author above, she actually mentioned the publisher by name) and I never did. My posts were a report of what I experienced and overheard at the conference, no more no less.

I realize that some are trying to assign a motive to my 'embellished' (as mentioned by said author above) tales and yes, I do have one. I want the conference to be about romance novels and the people who love them, not chocolate penis' and gropping (be it by the models or attendees). I made my first complaints about the behavior of some models back in 2005 (yes, 2005 - 3 conferences ago) and their behavior has only gotten worse each year. Though why some blogs picked up on my blog this year I have no idea as my reporting was no different than it had been in the past.

As someone so kindly mentioned, yes, I do work as the marketing person for a small press, I also work as the marketing person for about 35 independent authors from small press to NYTers. I am a contractor for all of these businesses and I am paid to be impartial. Almost everyone I know has multiple hats they wear, mother, wife, writer, accountant, teacher etc - and they balance their lives successfully and I'm no different. I worked in the corporate world for 12 years, I know how to keep secrets. If I spill something about one business to another, do you really think that second business would recommend me to anyone else?

Uh, no. When you work in marketing, you're only as good as your last client thinks you are.

As for one of my publishers tossing me off their chat loops, yes they did. But I was the only one they removed. Seeing that they have other authors who also work for other publishers, I find this to be an interesting development as those authors are still on the loops.

So for those who are trying to hint that I was a 'spy' or up to no good, shame on you. Just because you're paranoid and suspicious doesn't mean the rest of us live by that code. I am who I am and if you want to assign some sort of motive to anything I've said or did, go for it. Just because you 'believe' it doesn't mean its true.

I'm so over all of this.

Perspective

I received word that Meriam Gray, the owner of Topaz Promotions, has passed away. I didn't know Meriam very well but she was working with me on book promotions and she was a lovely lady.

My thoughts go out to her family and friends.

Sexy Beast!!

Recognize this man? Why it's Mike Rowe from Discovery's Dirty Jobs. I don't know what it is about him but DAMN I think he's hot. How 'bout you?

When good authors go bad...

As the stomach turns...

I have been removed from one of my publisher's email list entirely. Once again, I'm pretty sure it was just me that was removed - but what about the other authors who work for other publishers? Chances are they weren't booted...just little ole me.

The last instance of removing an author from their lists (without telling her by the way) was an author who complained about the publisher's bad behavior. They too were removed from the lists without any contact from said publisher.

Now THAT is professionalism.

David and Goliath

It would appear that my blog posts about RT have angered a particular publisher. Hmm, imagine that - I've annoyed someone. It never fails that people get so upset when you tell the truth.

It would seem they are questioning my motives for making negative statements about the behavior of the male models they sponsored at the recent RT conference. In a memo to their staff, they mentioned my association with another epublisher - hinting that I had some dark ulterior motive to lodging a complaint.

What I find amusing about that is I never tried to hide anything. I attended RT in 2007 and handed out business cards to all and sundry. A great many of their authors knew who I was so I have to ask myself, why would they bring this up now? To try and make my 'motivation' seem more sinister than it is? Talk about grasping at straws...

Convoluted? Yes. Logical? No.

See, the bad blood between said publisher and I came to light in 2005 - long before the other epublisher even existed. That was the first year I made a complaint about the behavior of their models. So why did I make the original complaint?

The authors received an email from TPTB that outlined our expected behavior in public. Yes, we were given guidelines on how to act and to dress while representing the company at a conference. Now the models - they obviously received a different code of conduct as they were offending people by making dick jokes and talking about how many times they were going to get laid at the conference.

And this was only at lunch.

Why should the authors be held to a different set of standards than the ahem...models? If anything they are far more public than the authors so where were their standards of behavior? They didn't have any. Now I hear they have some sort of standards now but I saw little evidence of that in Pittsburgh.

Hence the reason for my first complaint and for any model complaints after that - it has to do with professionalism or lack thereof. Why do the authors receive recommendations for how we should appear while the models drag their knuckles on the floor? Does that smack of sexism to you?

I guess their way of slapping my hand is to remove me from some of the yahoogroups they use for communication. I have to ask myself, they have a few other authors who work for competing houses - were they removed as well?

Somehow I doubt it. I guess I'm just lucky.

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More dribs and drabs...

In the past two days I've received more email about my blog and my, erm, controversial comments that I felt I needed to make a comment or two.

A publisher representative implied that many of their authors were questioning my motivation for posting the information I did. Was I mad / bitter at someone, did I do it for attention or to embarass someone...

Uh, no. If you look at the old blog entries here you will find I comment on RT every year. I usually post blow by blow accounts of events and I have done so since at least 04. It's what I do - this blog is to entertain first. If you read through the entries I'm not a 'newsy' or gossip blog at all. I think this year's commentary caught on because it was more newsworthy. Models running amuck, copious breasts on display (which really isn't new), public floggings...authors behaving badly...its more of the same.

Ever since the Cassie Edwards story broke on Smart Bitches, it has become fashionable to snark the romance world so people are looking for that dangly bit to latch onto. Let's face it, that aspect is now a part of our every day life whether we like it or not. The reason romance is such a great target is because our books deal with sex and touchy feely issues and that makes some people uncomfortable. IMO, it is because we (readers and authors) are willing to put ourselves out there for love while others just see it as being weak or a softie.

I say BRING on the huggy stuff because I want the fantasy and the romance... I will take honest emotions over car crashes and international espionage any day.

The distinction between cover models and the cavemen.

There are actually two distinct groups of models who attend RT each year. First there are the RT Competition Contestants. This group of models are usually your every day Joe. They are nominated by friends, family etc and they come to the convention for a little fun or to launch their careers. They, in general, are very normal, nice, considerate guys.

The next group are the Cavemen from Ellora's Cave. Rodney, whom everyone adores, is a normal man with exquisite manners, a kind smile and a great personality. He is also married with a beautiful little girl and when his wife walks into the room (now THERE is a beautiful woman, inside and out) no other woman exists for him.

Happy Sigh. Isn't that what we want from our heroes?

Then there are the rest of the cavemen most of which are strippers. Now I don't have an issue with strippers but I do have an issue with common courtesy. If you can't have a conversation with a stranger without them putting their arms around you, or touching you (or them) inappropriately, that IMO is a problem.

Do we go to the grocery store and grope the cashier? I certainly hope not. :)

I lost count of the number of people who approached me at the con and thanked me for what I blogged. They were uncomfortable with what happened with regards to the men (and a few model comments) and they weren't happy with it.

Do these men really believe that being groped (or groping) a woman in the bar is what we want from our heroes? My heroes treat their women with respect and dignity, they don't simulate oral sex for a crowd. They don't hoot and holler when someone is being flogged (they were willing floggees) in the middle of a bar. Our heroes aren't meat and many of their actions were not heroic. If someone wants to put on a strip show during a venue at a conference then it needs to be labeled as such.

I have a stack of email from authors and readers alike telling me their experiences of being touched inappropriately, of incidents in the bar (most talked about the flogging) and some bad behavior of the authors.

I spoke to the Fallen Angel Reviewers who were lambasted for trying to help distribute sale material (related to the ebooks) during the ebook fair. Because the information wasn't available in a timely fashion, it was these lovely ladies who took the brunt of it from cranky authors.

What? When did professionalism go out the door? Then again, if you surf the internet you'll see authors behaving badly all over the place so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I really loved the one where the author hired a PI to track down a reviewer who gave her a bad review. She gathered the woman's family information back to her grandparents...and for what? I don't even want to know.

So now onto more fun things...

The conference season is in full swing so below is a list of fun, romance friendly conferences you might want to consider:

Lori Foster's Reader and Writer Get Together

Celebrate Romance

New Jersey Romance Writers

Central Ohio Fiction Writers

Moonlight and Magnolias

Hilarity Abounds...

Some of the best moments of RT:

- At the awards luncheon my friend Lori popped by the say hi. Next to me Beth Williamson is poking me and hissing 'Introduce me.'
I look at Lori and then at Beth. I was willing to introduce her but I wasn't sure why it was so important to her. Then it dawned on me. My friend is Lori Foster, NYT best selling author and I just don't see her that way. I see Lori the Mom, Lori the wife, Lori the sports nut... :)

- Heather Osborn and the retelling of an episode of Sandra Lee's Almost Homemade - it was the show about creating holiday cakes from angel food...from a store. After her retelling of the show, I'd almost be willing to watch it. (probably not)

- When the lights went out during the book signing. The collective AW! was hilarious.

- Signing books by cell phone light.

- Cindy Holby dropping something under the table then bending over to get it - nothing exciting in that except she was wearing her fairy wings and it took some acrobatics to get her under the table.

- Sitting outside the ballroom the night of the vampire ball and watching the costume parade. Some were quite good while some were just quite...interesting.

- The mad dash to WalMart to buy a frige as the hotel gave mine away. (That hotel was a PIT. Everyone I know has come home with at least a pound of plaster in their lungs. Most of them are coughing until they choke - how pretty)

- All of the fabulous volunteers, all unpaid, who work hard to pull the conference together.

- Kathryn's ability to command help quickly. We had an injury just before the Samhain Sayanara party and she managed to get a bucket of ice to the room in less than 5 minutes. I've never see that hotel staff move so quickly.

- The fairy ball decorations were exquisite - a very classy event.

- Club RT was fun as usual. The readers were fab and I love sitting around and telling tall tales with other authors.

- The lady who approached me at the Samhain party to thank me for taking her under my 'wing' several years ago. I do remember her amazingly enough and I was flattered that she even thought about that event. It was in Columbus and she'd arrived at the con for the book signing. She was alone so I kidnapped her, we got lunch then went back to the con. I then slipped her into the booksigning early. :)

- The ladies who thanked me for blogging about the more unsavory side of the events at RT.

A minor 'retraction' -

The stripping that happened after the military tribute was just that, after the military tribute. My issue was still that they used the American flag and one of the cavemen was shaking his best friend behind it. If there hadn't been a military salute then I probably wouldn't have had much of a problem with it. But to have a salute to honor the military then less than an hour later have the dancers doing pelvic thrusts with the flag, that's just not right. Love it or hate it, that is the American flag that millions of people died for - it deserves more respect than that. I come from along tradition of military service and my father would get angry if we folded it wrong.

The mad dash to assume

A popular romance blog picked up on my RT reports and the response has been interesting. While at the bookfair on Saturday a good number of attendees approached me and thanked me for my posts. They too were offended / annoyed at the over the top behavior of some attendees and they felt what I said mirrored their feelings as well.

As I keep saying, this blog is about my experience and if you feel the same way then guess what, we're both in good company. (Well, I think I'm good company because I'm almost always armed with snacks and a wide smile)

Which is a good segue into the spark for this post. One of the responses to Karen's post was this:

"Hm. My thought of the moment - if someone has to resort to Lycra maybe there’s a personal reason they get pissed at seeing another woman wearing see-through fabric? Can’t help but wonder."

Dear poster - you made me laugh and it was a big belly laugh because yes, I have a big belly and I embrace every fabulous inch of myself.

Firstly - I love the assumption that anyone with a few extra pounds would be jealous of someone who 'could' wear a see-through skirt.

Rebuttal - Since the average size of a woman in the United States is a size 14 / 16 I find this viewpoint to be interesting. If this con was a microcosm of our society then roughly 50% would be in this size range if not higher. The vast majority of people who were seen in their party garb were not a size 2 or even a 10. (if our average size is a 14/16 - why is it still the size 2 cover model that is held up as our ideal?)

I think what made me laugh the hardest was the the (very) common assumption that everyone of size (i call myself a woman of Epic Proportions ) would be jealous of someone in a see through skirt. It never occurred to the poster that maybe there are some of us who embrace and love our curvaceous bodies and we are secure in ourselves. That we don't need sheer skirts and a size 10 to be sexy - we are sexy as is.

I've been overweight all of my life. Two years ago I was blessed to be reunited with my biological sisters and guess what, we're all overweight. My family is German and we have the butts to prove it.

When I was younger it really bothered me that I had a tendency to lean to the heavy side of the scale but I'm so far past that now. So to anyone who is reading this and has some not-so-kind feelings about their body, come on in...the water is fine.

I'm 42 and I love every fabulous inch of my body. I am (a) friend, loving, daughter, sister, puppy momma, giving, beautiful woman, artist, writer, charity worker, civic volunteer, lover, warrior, poet, friend, confidant, hard worker, compassionate, loyal and more. And anyone who is reading this - go create your own list because I'm sure a great many of my attributes are yours too.

So to the poster who said: Hm. My thought of the moment - if someone has to resort to Lycra maybe there’s a personal reason they get pissed at seeing another woman wearing see-through fabric? Can’t help but wonder.

Not on your life, my friend. Beautiful / sexy isn't about what you put OUT there - its about what you carry inside. In order to be a size 14/16 if I had to exchange the knowledge and confidence that I'm a beautiful woman inside and out I'd take a pass. I sleep better knowing I have a good sense of self and I wouldn't trade that for all the sheer skirts in the world.

RT - the pieces that get stuck between your teeth

I'm home and safe in my bed covered in very happy dogs. I literally hit my bed face down and woke up to the debris of a Reese's Big Cup (luvs them like a fat kid loves brownies) sprinkled across my pillow. I guess I can count myself lucky that if I did sleep eat, at least it was a Reese's and not a pillow...tv remote...

This morning I felt like a sweat sock owned by a fourteen year old boy. I've been running on 4 - 5 hours of sleep a night and I'm a girl that LOVES my sleep so I'm happy to be home in my soft clothes.

Sunday morning was the Samhain Publishing party and it was such fun. We raced around to setup the room, had tons of giveaways and yummy food. The California Roll was EXCELLENT. It must have come from outside of the hotel as it was the best thing I had to eat all week. :)

Two of the lovely cover models were there, one was Fred and the other...don't know his name. (If anyone knows who it was, please let me know as I'd love to give him a shout out) They were kind enough to assist me in pulling the names for the drawings and allow me to tease them. They were perfect gentlemen and I'm pleased to report that the readers had lots of fun and no clothing was removed!

A huge thank you to everyone who attended and allowed my to perform my Wylder Road Show one final time. I'm quite happy to report the public Wylder has been shoved (kicking and screaming) into her coffin not to come out until the Lori Foster Event in June. (Sorry Lori, I can only keep her locked up so long - even prisoners are allowed exercise)

Now onto the juicy stuff -

As I mentioned in a previous post, last night was the Dorchester party and it was great fun. I'm a wanna be Prom Queen like most women and I love chair dancing. The Butterscotch Martini Girls and I shared a table with Jo the Librarian (secretly a wild woman in disguise) and several other fabulous women. We had much fun and enjoyed the band (thanks to Kathy Love and the Impalers) and watched the show. The theme was boots and there were shoes the likes of which I've never seen before. I don't know about anyone else but DAYUM - I'd have killed myself just taking one step in some of them.

How did those girls walk on their toes like that?

My usual way of keeping myself amused at conferences is to hit the bar and remain there until the cleaning staff try to run a duster over me. I have a severly degenerated left leg due to a bad break about 20 years ago so walking and standing can be difficult for me so I let people come to me in the bar. Most of my friends call it holding court, I call it a necessity as I can't do what I used to do...but I will again soon so dance floors...WATCH OUT. Wilder will be In Da Howse!

So last night I spent 3 hours in the bar watching baseball.

Baseball you say...

Yes, baseball - now let me explain the game. We have teams consisting of individuals in said bar and various actions on their part or their opposing team or themselves are how we score. For example -

Team 1 - EC Caveman (and the title suits him)
Team 2 - Blonde girl in stripper garb

Scoring
A touch between the shoulder and waist - first base
A touch on the thigh - second base
A leg around the oposing teams leg - third base
Grabbing the crotch - HOME RUN

How we play - We have a commentator (just call me Howard Cosell with better fashion sense) and we have the spectators. anyone can call out a play and when the teams part that is the end of the inning. When they come back together it was BATTER UP.

And yes, I was the one yelling this in the bar.

It started slowly with myself and a few friends. I was sitting on the right side of the bar facing the bar when the two teams came into view. Seated at the bar - team one was on the phone for at least 20 minutes while team two tried to run the bases multiple times until team one would strike them out.

Additional commentary - first off, why would you want to put your hands in the lap of a man WHO IS TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE AND BRUSHING YOU OFF? Have some respect for yourself woman - its no wonder 'men are pigs' when the ladies are so willing to debase themselves like this. Never allow anyone to treat you with the respect that you deserve.

NEVER.

Commentary over.

Over the course of three hours my group ebbed and flowed. At one point we had THIRTEEN people in chairs lined up in a row watching the rest of the bar like it was a live play. Now I ask you, how can people have NOT known what we were doing?

During the evening I called the plays, the spectators mingled to get the up close and in your face (or crotch) action. At one time we had at least 40 -people playing the game and the teams were oblivious. Of course John DeSalvo thought we were hootting him.

As if. Dude...its just not about you. (Oh, and for you bar afficinados - he was the one who removed the tampon from the Scene's sign - wash your HANDS, please)

So on the game went until a third team came on the scene. A woman in black velvet who was trying to make a move on team one. Team two wasn't having none of it so teams two and three were involved in a power struggle while team one hit on a new chick, aka team four.

Ladies - please refer to the commentary above.

Then along came teams five and six. For those of you lucky conference goers - team five was the CAVEman I refer to as potted plant boy (thanks to Cassie Ryan). I heard other references to him such as mop head and porn star. (Yes, this was the caveman with porn roots...and speaking of roots - DUDE, that is the worst weave ever. Next time try to spent at least 2.00 dolla on your tracks and avoid Kim's Cheap Weaves And Press On Crotches - Sally's Beauty Supply is so much better)

Sorry - momentary diversion.

Anyway - teams five and six arrive and I just happened to be up by the bar with the cheerleaders. yes I know baseball doesn't have cheerleaders but I'm a football girl so there you go. One of the cheerleaders said that when team five saw me he looked as if he'd been hit in the face with his bad weave. (Oh, and another clue - hair doesn't grow 10 inches in one year unless you're a chia pet) I thought that was funny as I tore him a new one (in a quiet and ladylike way of course) about acting like chipmunk boy in the bar on tuesday evening and bouncing off furniture. There are quite a few attendees with canes and wheelchairs - running around like a beserker isn't attractive nor a good idea.

So anyway - after a few hours the game died down. I think team 2 did hit a homer (caught them sucking face outside) and I was pretty sure I caught at least a crotch grab which was a home run. All said and done, I think team two did an outstanding job of running the bases and she definitely wins an award for most gold chain on one outfit.

Congratulations - you've won a compimentary pair of panties and a rabies shot. Good show! (Okay, that was bitchy even for me)

I then spent quite a bit of time chatting with CJ and Rodney, both of whom I adore. As we were sitting there there another show ensued, this one involved a flogger and rear ends. As the shouting and camera flashes increased, Rodney and I looked at one another and we said "I can't be involved in this" and we left.

Quotable quote from one of the cavemen - "This has been five days of pure hell."

Sometimes there are no words.

RT...the last gasp...

In true prophetic form, the final day has arrived and I'm constipated as HELL. Damn hotel doesn't know how to serve a veggie or whole grain if they tried. Is it too much to ask that they throw a little fruit cocktail my way? One would think that for a conference and room price as high as they are they could throw a little whole grain into the bland plastic chicken and rubber pasta luncheon.

Can a get a holla?

After the book fair I hooked up with Cindy Holby, Jade Lee, Isabo "Who's your boo" Kelly. and my roomie and stunt double Carolan Ivey. We were turned away from both of the restaurants in the hotel (so much for the free food coupons - They sit unused in my purse as I could never get into a restaurant to use them) so we hit our suite to stuff our faces with cold pizza, cheese, chips, chocolate and bagels.

Being the detail oriented writers we are, we spent a scholarly afternoon discussing play activities with rabbits, the tripod method and how I managed to mistake Chris Keesler (editor with Dorchester) for a cover model.

He was not amused.

Okay, he really was but seeing that I was standing next to Holby, I think he knew I probably had little to no sense at all and I made those kind of errors all the time. Guilt by association... I vaguely thought about introducing myself as La Nora but I'm far too tall to pull that off successfully.

After our snacking I headed out for dinner. Yeah, I know - I just ate. But one of many lessons I've learned at this hotel is to snag any free food you can as its a hike to get food if you're hungry. The chances of being served in the hotel are slim to none.

The Dorchester party started off with a bang. There were tons o' books to be had and the readers were lined up in droves. I spent my time chair dancing with Isabella Clayton, Kayla Janz and Cassie Ryan - aka the Butterscotch Martini girls. I luvs them...

More later, I need to pry open my eyes and make some semblance of becoming human. The Samhain party is in a few hours and I need to figure out how to get 120 lbs of coffee mugs down 8 floors...

Now approaching the finish line...

Only one more night of RT and 24 hours from now I'll be headed back to my soft clothes and fluffy slippers. BooYah!

The book signing is now over and was a resounding success. Much fun was had and the readers were loaded up with books. I lost count of the number of times readers approached me saying they were in absolute HEAVEN. A chance to meet their fav authors and hang with hunky men? BRING IT.

I have a ton of photos to put up but...yet again...I'm running out to grab a snack. More later.

RT - Comment on previous statement

I hear that some of the authors are a little upset about my negative comments about my RT experience.

First off, I'm really sorry that anyone is upset about my commentary as this was not my intent.

Secondly, this is *my* experience and it is not a personal attack on any person, group or establishment. Once again, it is my experience. Anyone who knows me realizes that I am very blunt and to the point. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. If I am going to throw barbs or insults at you, I will do it to your face. (That said I'm not in the habit of insulting people or deliberately hurting or belittling anyone)

Three, I love the RT conference. Always have always will. They have always been wildly supportive of me and my career and I'm one of their biggest advocates. There are at least 20 people here that are here because I pointed them in this direction.

Once again, this is MY experience and MY feelings on this blog. Isn't that the point of a blog - to open a little window into someone's world and their experience?

Because I was feeling disenchanted with my experience this year I took a moment to speak to Kathryn Falk the owner of RT. We've known each other for 13 years and we are both straight shooters. I told her how I felt and she listened very intently and we talked it out. I'm not a gossip/newsy blog so I'm not going to share her side of it but I will say that I felt better for having spoken to her. I will be at RT in Orlando and I will encourage any romance lover / reader / writer to do so. When it comes to romance, the RT con is still the best place to immerse yourself in it.

Day 4 - The Lull Before the Storm

Tonight was the vampire ball hosted by the oh-so-fabulous Heather Graham. I always enjoy the costumes as, let's face it, you just don't get to break out the teeth and fake blood every day. The obvious accessory this year was cleavage and the more the better. There were three ladies sporting corsets and....might I say....they succeded in defying the law of gravity. Of course one lady had a cup of marishino cherries nestled between her plump girls and I couldn't decide if she were trying to cure a case of scurvy with copious amounts of fruit or if they were to entice unsuspecting males into plumbing her depths.

Whichever it was I'm sure it was fascinating.

Cindy/Colby has been seen making the rounds today with a fabu shirt with sparkly letters spelling out SHINY. How wonderfully Firefly of her. Once again, in true Colby form, she was summarily tossed from the Vampire banquet according to her. I can't confirm said tossing as I wasn't even at the ball since there weren't enough seats. This is the second dinner I've missed due to said lack o' seating.

I am thinking of sending calculators out for Christmas.

But don't worry intrepid blogbuddiez, I have packed away enough flubber to keep myself alive for 8.7 years.

John DeSalvo was hanging out this evening. I actually have quite a funny story about him. First met him in 94 at my first RT. I was about to exit the ballroom with I was suddenly swarmed with women. I was trying to make good my escape when I run into a man in a pirate-esque costume who wrapped his arms around my neck with the assumption I wanted him to do so.

Sorry dude, don't even who you are....

And of course my friend was there to snap a photo of me trying to escape. If I find it I will post it here.

In other RT news, spent some time with Cheryl Holt this evening. Very funny and lovely lady. I was on an erotica panel with L.A. Banks, Eric Jerome Dickey and a few others. Leslie (L.A.) decided to tell the story of popping her cherry and I must say...it had everyone rolling on the floor. (sorry kids you'll have to ask her)

I was delighted to meet Smart Bitch Sarah. Contrary to popular belief she does not resemble the Devil's left butt cheek nor is there a 666 burned into her forehead. I, for one, was disappointed to see that wasn't the case. (not really, Sarah is as she says - one smart bitch) She is okey dokey in my book.

My new best bud, Missy, wanted to be mentioned in my blog. She is a bookseller from Ohio with kick ass hair and an accent that can melt even the steeliest of hearts. :)

More bad behavior was seen and heard across RT land. I'm very pleased to report that the EC cavemen remained covered (thank god) and seemed to be on their best behavior. Well, the best hehavior from a caveman that is.

A well known and respected author was overheard asking why people were so fat here. Ah...glad I don't read her books. (authors, please note that everything you say and do will come back to haunt you - that is why you need to not say things like this or people like me will comment upon it. I will not name her as some need to saved from their own foolishness.)

There have been several 'showdowns' between authors and reviewers. Usually it involves the author insulting a reviewer which I must say is very strange. So if a reviewer doesn't like your book this means you should assault them and accuse them of being malicious? Uh...so hows that working?

One final note - someone came up and hugged me leaving a smear of deodorant. It was the infamous Michele Bardsley. Once she hits the NYT List, that shirt is going up on ebay!

Day 3 - The Shame Continues...

My first RT was in 1994 in Nashville, TN. Being the wide-eyed Midwestern girl, I was utterly fascinated with everything that went on around me. The authors I adored were like rock stars to me, the parties were hilarious (I mean, where else can a grown woman dress like a fairy?) and the cover models were dreamy and gallant - just like the heroes they portrayed on the front of my favorite romances.

Skip forward 14 years and RT is losing its fabulosity. Some of the authors that I thought were rock stars still are! I was terribly excited to see Bertrice Small for the first time in quite a few years. She is still funny, sweet and touched to meet each and every person that walks up to her. Her husband was with her and i know he's been very ill but it was great to see him looking so good.

Roberta Gellis and Mary Balogh are also in attendance and these lovely ladies are of the same royal fabric as Ms. Small. Friendly, outgoing - they are humble and truly touched when we, the unworthy, stop to worship at the tips of their shoes for a mere moment. The hours of utter pleasure I had at the hands of these amazing women are immeasurable...(get out of the gutter you freaks!) and yes, I'm a silly fan girl.

Yesterday I met Kelley Armstrong, Melissa Marr, Jennifer St. Giles and Rachel Vincent - all fabulous paranormal authors. I was squealing like a little girl...

For the most part the parties are still great fun. The ballroom setup for the fairy ball was stunning. The theme was Under the Sea and they had decorations that hung from the ceiling to simulate water and when thelights went down they shimmered like water. the costumes were numerous and they really set the tone for the evening - fantasy....and wings. (they can be dangerous...there are probably more than a few scratched corneas this morning!)

And then there are the cover models...displaying very ungallant behavior. Well, let me rephrase that...some of them are lovely. Well mannered, courteous - exactly what one would expect in someone who hoped to portray one of our fabulous heroes.

The others, a motley gaggle of strippers and one triple X rated porn star - yes, a porn star - groping people and generally offending a great many attendees. Of course when a few of these gems stage a 9/11 tribute at the EC Party (it was during an SOS military salute - a cause that Kathryn Falk, the founder of RT, has thrown her voice and cash behind) came on stage in military regalia and proceeded to strip and grope themselves. What does grabbing your dick have to do with a tribute to those fallen on 9/11?

First off, dressing in a faux military outfit and stripping could be sexy and over the top - but during a TRIBUTE to the soldiers? A TRIBUTE to 9/11?

WTF???

Of course if that weren't enough to turn the stomach - the X rated simulated sex on stage was enough to send people out in droves. A woman (can't call her a lady!) was stretched out on the stage with a stripper simulating sex with his dick positioned over her mouth. It just so happened that while this was going on...her top came down.

I know, it happens to me all the time. I go to the grocery store with a porn star mounted on my chin all the time - its the new rage. Whoever said I wasn't a trend setter?

Somehow, in the rush to gather a group of knuckle-dragging children, someone forgot to tell them they were supposed to be GENTLEMEN. Then again, this crowd of testosterone driven two year olds can barely pronounce it let alone spell it.

The first year my favorite cover model was Dr. Bob, a darling emergency room surgeon from Dallas. He was tall, handsome and didn't grab his crotch or lose his clothing...not once! This year there are no faves. The fantasy is gone. If I want to see men groping themselves, I'll go to a dive bar for free rather than pay more than 1k to attend RT.

Those who know me know I'm not a prude - not even close. Hell, I traveled with an alternative band for several years and I work with 70 testosterone laden police officers - very few things ever faze me. This has taken the cake. For me, the 'fantasy' aspect of RT is gone and this could very well be my last year. I'm about the books and the fun - not strippers and groping people.

SO - onto the FUN stuff.

Cindy Colby Hodge was resplendent in her fairy costume. Elegant (well, not when she was wandering around the bar with no shoes and whacking people in the head with her ji-normous wings) and too cute for color tv (well, not cuter than McDreamy but close). I have many photos - will post later.

As usual there was much scandal surrounding Ms. Hodge. Our lovely and most favorite fairy (sorry Cheyenne) was summarily tossed from the fairy ball last night by RT staff. Why? Because she was 'monopolizing' a cover model. Hmm, seeing that she and said model are friends outside of RT...well, you get the picture. If you see Cindy - just ask her about it or post a note here. She'll be reading this later today.

Scandalous!

The stunningly beautiful Linnea Sinclair was in the bar handing out balls that glow. No, don't ask.

Jennifer 'yeep' Dunne was in residence and much yeeping was heard. She laughed so hard that she ended up on the floor twice. the sad thing was she doesn't drink - I'd hate to see her with a few cocktails in her!

After the fairy ball many party goers crammed into the bar. Some of the costumes were just lovely. I could tell many had spent quite a few hours crafting their amazing looks while some others...well...I think they didn't have any mirrors in their rooms because their mamas would've slapped them down if they'd have been here. Someone was wearing panties with blackfishnets on top - noskirt.

Uh...what about that says fairy or water?

My favorite was the woman who wore panties under a sheer pink skirt...and she was at least 45 with the sense to know better.

When did RT turn into a What Not to Wear episode ?

Hey, I'm a fat woman and I know to keep my shit covered for the sake of blinding others with my white flesh. Not to mention blinding someone if my breast is let lose and hits someone in the eye. Being sexy isn't about showing things better left covered - its about confidence and knowing your the BOMB even when your undies have holes in them and your ankles are swelled from too much salty food. Repeat after me, Lycra is your friend.

Yep, my Mama taught me right.

Day 2 - The Battle has Begun!

Quotable Quote: "I couldn't be a lesbian, I love HOMOsexuals." Donna Richards, author of In A Heartbeat - Samhain Publishing...after two very strong rum and cokes.

Yes, Donna - I know you meant to say HETEROsexuals...

The RT grind is off to a rip-roaring start. Yesterday morning we were forced to venture out to WallyWorld to purchase a small refrigerator. This tower-of-terror hotel did not reserve refrigerators for those with medical needs.

Oh, and the elevators crapped out, no bathrooms on the same floor as the bars...do they REALLY want drunken people negotiating a cement stairway? Can you say, Lawsuit? I knew you could...

So after our Bataan Death March of Walmart runs, Carolan and I hit the bar and stayed there for three hours. This is not unusual as the bar is my office when I'm at RT. I literally put out my shingle that says, "J.C. is in...way in..." and that's where I stay.

We browsed promo lane and I ended up being chatted up by a film crew. I have no idea who they were or what they were doing but I can only hope that the vid doesn't end up on YouTube in a What NOT to Wear film clip.

I hit the ebook expo for a few minutes then ran out screaming. The room has very bad acoustics and my head was throbbing. I ran into Melissa Lopez, Beth Williamson, Judith Rochelle, Bianca D'arc and about a million new authors. I really do need to read more.

Then it was off to my suite (yes Marty, I am going to rub it in your face every chance I get) for my Samhellion party. It was a little get together to thank my fellow editors of the Samhellion newsletter. So now my suite (yes Marty, I know you're grinding your teeth...) smells like pizza and red wine - Just like home!

Then...it was off to the bar. Well, bars. There were two bars so why sit in one all night? It was there, my first unpleasant run in with the cover models occurred. there was about 15 of us and we were sitting in a pit-style area with a marble wall behind the pitt. the wall lines a walkway and people coming and going.

Here come two of the models and what do they do, run and jump up then off the wall right behind my head. Now, if you took your kids to a hotel and they behaved like that, wouldn't you correct them? When I first started to attend RT, the models were lovely. Most of them professionals, doctors, contractors etc - now they are unrestrained children with very bad hair. They don't seem to understand that a cover model is to be the Perfect Man - a gentleman. You know how men want a whore in the bedroom and a proper lady in the living room? Women want the same - a stud in the bedroom and a gentleman in the living room...only with pecs.

What's up with that?

Do I sound like an old fuddy? Yeah, sometimes I think I do too. :)

RT: Day One - Camping

Carolan Ivey and I joined forces to tackle the Romantic Times Booklover Convention with a vengeance. And I must say, I'm glad we did.

The hotel is scary...

We're staying at the Hilton Pittsburgh and its being remodeled. Majorly remodled. Just trying to find the entrance is an adventure, not to mention getting assistance with our luggage. Everywhere you go there is evidence that Tim 'the tool guy' Taylor has been here. The halls are covered in plasterboard dust and many of the doorways don't have framing. How bizarre. While the employees have been lovely, I've never camped in a hotel so this should be interesting.

After we finally got into our room, we headed down to see what havoc we could create. And who was the first person I spied in the lobby? The oh-so-fabulous Linnea Sinclair and her drinking protege Stacey! After a gale of giggles we were joined by Robin Owens, Isabo Kelly and Cindy Colby Hodge - some of my favorite peeps!

Since Isabo is preggers (and some of the gals named the baby Moon Beaver - sounds like a stripper to me) food was the first order so we headed out into the mean streets of Pittsburgh. Needless to say the restaurant never saw us coming and will be forever changed from our visit. Much fun was had to the point one author (whose name rhymes with WINDY) spewed liquid from multiple orifaces...

Hey, I tried to warn her to not drink unless we were all drinking - we're dangerous like that.

The Make The Yeep Chirp contest has begun. For those of you have no idea what I'm talking about, wait, I will try to post a clip of it. This you HAVE to hear. :)

More Later!

Guest Blogger - Judith Rochelle

Digging Into the World of Paranormality

When I sat down to write my first book I had nothing in mind except to try and combine a good love story and a good mystery. And hope that I could do it well enough that someone would buy it. Well, folks, four years later no one has, but my “area of operation’, fueled by my natural curiosity (some might say my essential nosiness) has grown and widened., and with it the sales of my books.

If someone had told me those four years ago I’d be delving into psychic experiences, people with psychic abilities—dogs with psychic abilities—I’d have sent them for counseling. Yet here I am, not only fascinated by it but immersed in it.

The word psychic refers to extra sensory perception and forces of a paranormal nature, as well as to a person who has extra sensory perception or paranormal powers. My Phoenix Agency books deal with former military men who have formed a security agency that contracts for both the government and private corporations. In each of the books, the heroine has special psychic powers.

In Always On My Mind, Faith Wilding is a telepath who becomes the only link to the outside world for her friend and lover, Mark Halloran, who is a prisoner in the Peruvian jungle. She receives fragments of his cries for help because a stronger telepath is working to block them.

In Visions of Darkness, released this month, Mia Fleming is precognitive. Visions come to her in flashes and pieces and aren’t always that easy to interpret. She’s frustrated by the strangeness of them and fears the dark messages they are sending. But with the help of other precogs she helps Phoenix CEO Dan Romeo find a missing high tech robot and solve three murders. In Scent of Danger which is still a work in progress, there is a dog with Psi abilities who communicates with his owner.

So I guess I’ve managed to combine my love of romance and mystery with my new obsession, the paranormal.

Here’s a little blurb of each of the first two books, released by The Lotus Circle.

Always On My Mind
As teenagers Faith Wilding and Mark Halloran discovered they could communicate telepathically. For most of their lives it’s been their private way to send messages, especially when a long weekend brought home the realization that their friendship had become something far more complex. But Faith is busy building a career as a successful author of political thrillers and Mark, a Special Operations team leader, is concerned with the covert missions he leads.
Now someone has betrayed their latest mission, most of his team has been killed and Mark has been captured. His telepathic messages to Faith are his only chance for help. But powerful forces want to sweep the whole episode under the rug and will do anything to make that happen—including killing Faith.

Visions of DarknessDan Romeo CEO of the mysterious Phoenix Agency, has just completed a dangerous mission and wants some down time. But when his friend Chase Carpenters calls with an emergency, how can he refuse him? Someone is threatening to steal Chase’s brand new high tech robot about to be unveiled and all he’s got is an anonymous tip. Art historian Mia Fleming has battled with her precognitive abilities all her life, often shunned by a skeptical public and even more skeptical police. But the visions relating to the robot are so vivid she can’t ignore them. When Dan tracks her down as the source of the anonymous note, he wonders if she’s the culprit or a conduit for a message? Things get complicated when the electricity between Dan and Mia ratchets up into high voltage and they find it’s not something they can ignore. Then bodies begin falling, Mia’s vision escalate in horror and intensity and the tension at Carpenter Techtronics is off the charts. When Mia is shot and almost killed, Dan and his team race to locate the real robot and find the killers before they can strike again.

How do you feel about the paranormal? Leave me a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

April Fool's Day

Yes, it is April 1st and I'm not going to play a trick on you. Unless of course you work at the local bank where I vaselined the toilet seats.

But lets not go there...

What about that novel you're writing...

Family Guy - Steiwe Hows that novel coming along

The trouble with Moms...

Sunday I left town to head south to the glorious state of Georgia. (I do some part time work as a contractor) I left Mom knowing that a friend was going to keep an eye on her and she'd be good to go.

Or so I thought.

Sunday evening, my drunken idiot neighbor called the police of my dog...AGAIN. Bella, the evil dachshund, is a barker and she'll stand out in the back yard and bark her fool head off at nothing. It's really annoying.

So the police came out to visit Mom and relay the complaint. Mom was in her nightgown and she has bad hearing - she didn't even know the dog was barking. Luckily I know all the cops so Dan chased Bella back into the house. (I have to say the image of a big, strapping man like Dan chasing around a dog that stands only 10 inches high is quite amusing)

So needless to say Mom has been pissed all week.

This morning when I called her, she said she'd taken Bella out back on the leash so at least she'd listen. Well, the collar came off and Bella behaved badly as usual. The police didn't come out but Mom was so mad that she put a hex on the neighbor.

Yes, a hex on the neighbor.

A friend asked if Mom was good at putting on hexes and I had to say I didn't really know. The reality is she's never said anything like this to me before.

Hmm, and my mother calls ME a witch?

My thoughts on people who share ebooks...

BRING ON THE PEEPS!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/05/AR2007040501976.html

Lewis Black on Writing

Collateral Damage

According to Merriam Websters online:

collateral damage
Main Entry:
collateral damage
Function:
noun
Date:
1972
: injury inflicted on something other than an intended target; specifically : civilian casualties of a military operation

(http://www.nbc5i.com/news/15532216/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=news)

On CNN this morning was a mention of the Southwest airlines debacle regarding their failure to maintain planes. According to 2 FAA officials, the FAA allowed Southwest to slide on many infractions thus putting passenger lives in danger.

So basically when it comes to the bottom line, your life has very little value to this corporation. Its cheaper in the long run to pay damages than to do their job and keep you safe.

Ya know, I try really hard to be a positive person but when I read things like this, its difficult.

The blizzard - LIVE!

Snowy Saturday

The indignities a dachsund must endure during winter. We have about a foot of snow (taken 8:30am) and the conditions are actually getting worse. I've been listening to the scanner and the police have been sliding around town pulling and pushing people out of the snow.

DUDE - STAY HOME -and quit calling the pizza places. No one's life is worth getting a pie for you!

Snowy Friday!

Bella is cowering under the chair. She's a weenie dog so she's in danger of being buried alive. She hates it when her belly gets wet.

Here is Maddie running through the snow on Friday around 2pm. We had about 3 - 4 inches down.

The weather has disintegrated into white out conditions. What cracks me up are the people who are on the radio complaining about the weather.

People...it's WINTER. These things happen in the WINTER.

Personally, I love the snow and can't wait to get out in it. :)

Way Big Storms

I love a good storm. My mother likes to tell the story of a tornado warning when I ran outside to watch it rather than take cover - I think I was maybe five at the most. It just so happened that during the tornado warning my second cousin and his wife were visiting and he was a photographer. I vividly remember standing outside in the street with Jim, the wind was whipping at my hair and clothes while he took photos of the tornado.

Of course Mom was quite annoyed with both of us but she's a Mom, they're genetically predisposed to disapproval at all costs. (or so it seemed at that age)

The weatherman is predicting 8-12 inches of snow here in Central Ohio. We'll see. Its rare we get that much snow at one time. Sometimes I have to ask, why bother? It's going to be in the upper forties by Tues/Wednesday so its only going to melt anyway. While we may get snow, we rarely keep it for more than a few days. There's nothing more sad than melting snow and hybernating brown grass peaking through the bare spots.

Project Runway!!

For those of you who haven't seen the final - you won't want to read this. Beware, spoilers below...

I've been following Project Runway this season though I have to say, it wasn't nearly as exciting as previous seasons. There wasn't much drama to be had. Love or hate him, Jeffrey from last season knew how to spark it up!

But let's talk about the finale.

I need to get this out of the way, Jillian's voice is SO annoying. I would take Chris' loud laughter any time of the day or night. I wasn't surprised she didn't win as, personally, I thought her collection was boring. Now, 11 hours later, I can't remember a single piece. I was surprised as I thought she was very talented but her collection was blah.

Rami - he has the 'ladies who lunch' set down pat. I think his work is meticulous, exact and way too complicated. I loved the two final gowns and the short, black / beige swirly one. That said, at least I can remember some of his.

Christian - can't help it, I pegged him as the winner from week one. His style is unique, his vision is clear. Of course not a single garment was created with a normal woman in mind. LOL! An entire dress out of feathers? I think I liked him because he will never be boring. I love his sass, his confidence, attitude - and he's only 21. I can't wait to see where his journey takes him.

Back from Celebrate Romance

Let me just say this now, if you're looking for a fun conference to attend, check out this one. (www.crspring.com)

This year we gathered in Columbia, South Carolina - a lovely city - at a fab little boutique hotel. There were about 20 authors including Stephanie Bond, Jade Lee, Elizabeth Hoyt, Vicki Lewis Thompson, Rosemary Laurey, Linnea Sinclair and others. We kicked off Friday night with a wild game of trivia and some hilarious prizes.

Saturday there were chats with the authors, raffles and other hilarity. That evening we went out for a BBQ dinner at a place called Hudson's Smokehouse and I had the Biggest Plate of Meat. Both beef and pork - pulled, bbq ribs, fried chicken and fried catfish. I was in heart attack heaven. :)

Sunday we had a few more chats, raffles then the booksigning. I think my favorite thing about this conference is that its so laid back. No rushing around - its all about having a good time. So will I see you next year? :)