Over the edge...

The question of the evening is...just how many tech support reps does it take to answer an email question?

I'm currently on hold with Time Warner cable and my mission is simple - to get the email addy assigned to my road runner account. Sounds simple doesn't it.

Not to Time Warner.

I'm on my third person now and so far all of them have been unable to help me...okay, the rep came back to tell me I'm being transferred to lucky number four. Let's see how well this works out...

(listening to very bad muzak)

Hmm...I really need to do my nails. I have a signing on Saturday and I don't want to look like a castaway...

No idea what to do with my hair. I'm growing it out but I almost always wear it up. What is the point of having long hair when I always wear it...

THE BITCH HUNG UP ON ME.

The reason we have random acts of violence in this country is because we have to DEAL WITH UTILITY COMPANIES. I'M NOT A VIOLENT PERSON BUT IF THE TIME WARNER REP WERE TO KNOCK ON MY DOOR...THEY'D ONLY HAVE A FEW SECONDS TO LIVE.

My mother is very fond of saying, 'why can't people just do what they are paid to do?' I have to agree with her. I'm not asking for serious tech support - I need the email addy I received when I signed up TEN YEARS AGO. Is this rocket science?

No.

Am I trying to solve world hunger?

No.

I JUST WANT THE EMAIL ADDY I'VE BEEN PAYING FOR...

I'm now talking to the fifth person...who probably can't help me. He sounds like he's nine.

(whistling as he pulls up my account)

Not sure what I might wear this Saturday either. Its going to be hot and humid...

What does my operating system HAVE TO DO WITH MY EMAIL???

Fuck, I'm on hold again.

(nose picking)

Sweet Mary and Joseph....I have my email addy. Please dear Goddess - let me remember my password or they may ask for my blood type and a genetic sample before they'd give me a new one...

Maddie Update!

Thanks to everyone who sent me well wishes about my dog, Maddie. She's doing well and getting stronger every day. Yesterday her staples were removed with nary a whimper and she's now happily scratching her back across the living room floor.

Her hind legs are still weak and she jacknifes herself from time to time. But her balance is improving and she's getting around much better. I still don't let her near the steps which annoys her but I don't want to take a chance on her reinjuring herself either.

More later!

Drama in the Wilder Household

Ugh - where do I begin? Last Thursday Maddie, my dog, was limping a bit and generally acting slow. I put it down to possible arthritis and gave her some aspirin. (baby aspirin, no more than 1 per 12 hours!)

At 1:30 on Friday morning she woke me up in obvious pain. I grabbed the dog and ran across town to the 24 hour vet hospital. Within minutes they diagnosed her as having a possible ruptured or herniated disk.

OW!

They wanted to run some tests to make sure what was going on and see if she needed surgery. So I had to leave her there...sniff. I stopped by the desk on the way out and they wanted a deposit...of $2200.00!!! YIKES.

Now you tell me, who has that kind of money just lying around, especially in the middle of the night. I couldn't just give them a check the next day, they wanted it immediately or they wouldn't touch her.

I guess a person's word isn't worth much these days.

So I had to break out a credit card and make the downpayment. The next morning they called and yes...she needed surgery. And the pricetag? $3500.00.

I know...some of you are going to say I'm nuts - maybe I am, but I couldn't give up on my girl. She's only nine years old and that girl and I have been through hell together. She's travelled with me all over the U.S. and we did Katrina work for many months on end. She's more than just a dog to me.

Hey! Isn't that a commercial?

Anyway - my baby is home and she's recuperating well. Her back legs are weak - they had to move her spinal column during the surgery so it was bruised. She's been home almost 2 days now and i can see a big difference in her.

Recovery will be slow and long - about a month of being confined - so I've moved my office onto the first floor with my girl.

More later

Sapphire Blue Publishing

Sapphire Blue Publishing
http://www.sapphirebluepublishing.com/


Press Release

Contact Info:
Name: Maria Clayton or Tina Gerow
customerservice@sapphirebluepublishing.com

For Immediate Release
August 2008

Phoenix entrepreneurs take on electronic publishing

Phoenix, AZ – Local entrepreneurs Maria Clayton, and Tina Gerow are pleased to announce the grand opening of their publishing house, Sapphire Blue Publishing, on August 15, 2008. With their diverse business backgrounds they seek to form a win/win partnership in an industry they love.

“Our goal is to bring Corporate America know how and innovation into perfect balance for the best experience for readers and authors,” says Maria Clayton, former Director of Technologies for a fortune 500 company. “We believe in a work environment that is fun and provides challenges that encourage play, innovation, and nimble out-of-the-pack thinking without boundaries.”

Sapphire Blue’s focus will be electronic books, or ebooks. These titles will take the form of a download that can be read on any number of electronic devices from the iPhone to dedicated electronic readers.

“Electronic book sales have doubled each year since 2001 and the projections are the market share will continue to climb,” says Tina Gerow. “Think about all the trees we’ll save. There’s no better time to embrace our ecological concerns and pair that with what we love, reading good books.”

Free KINDLE book

Samhain Publishing is giving away another Kindle title. It is Giving Chase by Lauren Dane. Dontcha just love these freebies...and I love my Kindle like a fat kid loves cookies. :)

Sounding Off

This morning the popular publishing newsletter Galley Cat featured a story posing the question, 'Should Authors Take Their Publishing Complaints Public'?


In their article they spotlighted an author who leveled a charge against their publisher for not paying royalties correctly. That said, it appears to be a case of sour grapes as GC hinted that the author greatly inflated their sales numbers. While Nielson's BookScan doesn't lie, it also doesn't portray total sales numbers as every store doesn't report to BookScan.


So should authors take their complaints public?


I believe so...with a caveat - they'd better be sure what they are saying is correct or they are shooting themselves in the foot...or career.


If authors (including myself) hadn't spoken out about Triskellion then who knows how long that company would have limped along scamming authors? Trust me, I tried everything to settle with them amicably and the owners weren't having it. Sometimes public humiliation is the only weapon we have left and in the case of Trisk - it worked.



There are any number of examples such as the Trisk debacle - and who knows how many authors avoided the train wreck because those involved spoke out? Sometimes you have to stand up and risk taking a hit in order to do the right thing.

So you want to win a book?

Greetings, my friend Judy Mays gave me permission to give away a copy of her ebook, Celestial Passions: Meri. To enter simply post a comment on this entry and say...Hey JC, I'd like to win a book....or curse me out - whichever seems more appropriate. :)

Winner will be drawn on Tuesday. :)

Cover Blurb: Generations after the dols and orcs disappeared from Mediria, Lillalistross don al' Ademis from Drakan arrives with a tattoo of his clan totem, a dol leaping from the waves of a rolling blue sea, on his shoulder. Is he the prophesied "Path to the Dols and Orcs"? Can he lead the Medirians to them?Princess Merilinlalissa, eldest daughter of Mediria's monarch, has no doubts. This Drakian, somehow, someway, is connected with finding the dols and the orcs, and she's going to find out how. The fact that he's very tall, very handsome and very sexy only makes her determination to discover all she can about him, both in and out of bed, that much stronger.

Politics as usual...

Is anyone else annoyed with the smear campaigns that our Presidental candidiates are indulging in?

"He sucks..."

"No, he sucks more!"

These two fools are running for the highest position in the US government and their behavior has degenerated into grade school rumbles on the playground! If I had kids that behaved like this I'd blister their little butts.

Every week 8000 home loans are defaulted on - 1 in 171 homeowners will lose their houses this year - HIV is on the rise - Education levels are dropping - gas prices are rising - food prices are rising - our environment is degrading every year - drug prices are on the rise and older people can't afford to buy the medication they need to LIVE....and these two fools think its more important to poke at each other rather than tackle the issues that are important.

I'm SO over the presidential nonsense...

Ready to try a new author?

Then we have a deal for you! We have three ebooks available and you can read the first half of the book for FREE! If you like it, there are links in the document which lead you to purchase the book. If you don't enjoy the book then you're off the hook!

But we know you'll love these titles! ;)

http://www.thesamhellion.com/free.htm

Enjoy!!

Randy Pausch

How many times can you say you saw someone on tv and your life will never be the same?

I can say that about Randy Pausch.

Randy was a Carnagie Mellon (Whoa...big brains) professor whose greatest gift wasn't in teaching others, it was his love for his children.

In academia, it's common to ask tenured professors to give a lecture called The Last Lecture. This lecture is all about what they would want to say if they learned they were going to die tomorrow. The difference in Randy's lecture was the he was really going to die.

Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Paudch delivered the lecture of a lifetime in September 2007. It wasn't so much about what he wanted to say, it was more about what he wanted to say to his children in the future - the future without him. It was funny, poignant, uplifting and brilliant - an amazing statement from an everyday guy.

Thankfully someone uploaded it to YouTube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo - be warned, it is long but SO worth the time. Once you see it, your life will never be the same.

I first saw this in December and I immediate sent links to all my close friends. The Last Lecture was made into a book and has been on the best seller list since April.

Randy Pausch passed away today at the age of 47.

Did you say...FREE???

Want some free ebooks? Go here:

http://tor.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=blog&id=577

Happy Reading!

Utter Fabulosity!

Isabo Kelly UPDATE

Say hello to Jack, Isabo (and Brian's) latest creation.

Now, not being kid-centric myself, I think he looks like one of those little gnome statues you find in people's gardens. Well, minus the bad fashions and the beard of course. Okay, quit throwing rotten veggies at me! I only have dogs and they're cute too!

Don't worry, Jack - I'll be there when you get your first tattoo. :)

What is a girl to do?

What is a girl to do? I was going to blog on Project Runway but the Emmys were announced today. I'm so confused.

Let's dish on the Emmys as I really don't have much to say about them and later I can dish on PR. I went through the list of nominees only to realize I didn't know anything about more than half of the shows. I'm afraid network television is beyond me.

A funeral notable mentions:

outstanding reality program- Dirty Jobs versus Kathy Griffin. I love both of them but I'm pretty sure in a street brawl Kathy can take Mike. She has been working out you know.

Outstanding comedy series -my money is on 2 1/2 men only because I haven't watched the other shows. :)

outstanding drama-I'm going to say Dexter because serial killers rule!

Outstanding lead actress in a comedy-now this show I actually watch Ugly Betty and America Ferrera has been nominated. Go girl!

Outstanding nonfiction series- Deadliest Catch baby!! I do have to say that Discovery Channel is making a ton of money off of the show and the crabbers don't receive very much of it. (Just thought I'd throw that in there)

outstanding reality competition- I think it's all about Top Chef but they are up against PR. This could be a close one.

If you want to see the whole list, go here http://cdn.emmys.tv/awards/2008pte/60thpte_noms.php

Happy Thursday!

Guess what day it is...

It's time for PROJECT RUNWAY!!!

Can't help it, I just adore that show. The drama, the majesty....the seriously ugly clothes...it's everything I want in a tv show. Will there be anyone nearly as fabulous as Christian?

I can't wait to find out. My popcorn is bought, my jammies are clean, BRING IT ON!

2008 - The year of the BLOG

I'd like to announce that Novelists Ink now has a blog.

http://www.ninc.com/blog/

so if you're a writer looking for tips or a reader searching for a good book, check it out.

Free Stuff!!

Good morning bloggers,

Samhain Publishing is pleased to announce our very first Amazon Kindle ebook giveaway! The title is Nate from Beth Williamson. The free download period begins on Monday, July 14th through Sunday, July 20th. This title is the first in the Devils on Horseback series from Williamson and we’re thrilled to share this exciting series with readers. As an FYI, Williamson recently signed with Kensington in April 2008.

Our next Kindle giveaway will be in August. That title is Giving Chase from Lauren Dane. I will send out a notice with all the details once they are finalized.

We are planning quite a few more fun reader giveaways so stay tuned! Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you have any questions.

Lisa


Lisa Amrine, Marketing Director
Samhain Publishing
www.samhainpublishing.com


Book Details:

Nate by Beth Williamson

Kindle ASIN: B000W5MIOE

Paperback ISBN: 978-1599986593



Cover Blurb:

Amidst the post-war chaos that rains down around them, a controlling man and a desperate woman must choose between life and love.

Book one of the Devils on Horseback series.

Nate Marchand grew up as the only son of the town drunk. As a Confederate soldier, he found that order in the chaos was the only thing that kept him sane. Numbers, information, keeping everything in its proper place became second nature. The chaos of the war and its aftermath sent him into a rigid state that he couldn't seem to overcome.

He and his friends, nicknamed Devils on Horseback, leave behind the aftermath of war to start fresh in the west. Their new business venture flounders and desperation drives them to take whatever work they can. The Devils are hired to remove the Taggert family from land claimed by Samuel O'Shea, the largest landowner in Grayton, Texas.

When he meets Elisa Taggert, his entire world shifts beneath him. Attracted, bewildered, and off-kilter, Nate ignores his conscience in favor of his wallet.

The simple task of removing a woman, a boy, and an old man, along with a small herd of cattle, resembles a Medieval siege. Nate wrestles with what he knows is right with what he must do. Will his love for Elisa overcome his need for survival?

Warning, this title contains the following: explicit sex, graphic language, violence.

Isabo Kelly, Take II

Born at 1am EST, Baby Jack and Mama are doing fine!!!

Yes, a boy. I can already tell he's going to be a handful as he was supposed to be a GIRL darn it. Only two hours old and already he's a rabble rouser!! I told her to put him back as he wasn’t done baking yet. :)

PRICELESS

If these guys get in trouble for not wearing pants - why wasn't Britney arrested for flashing her cooter everywhere?

Isabo Kelly Watch!

For those of you who know the fabulous Isabo Kelly - it's that TIME! She's in the hospital being induced and I'm waiting for her hubby to call me. Of course he's just going to tell me that it's a girl but I already know that. :)

In the mean time, go here:

http://eroticromancewriters.com/contests.htm

and enter to win a paperback copy of In The Gloaming, an anthology featuring the fabulous Mama To Be.

Manly Monday!

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy July Fourth everyone! I'm giving away an ebook copy of Winters Daughter at:

http://eroticromancewriters.com/contests.htm

Good luck

Guest Blogging

I'm guest blogging this week at NovelSpot and my topic is the path (koff) to publication. Check out my first post:

http://novelspot.net/node/2430

Sacrifice - My Latest Release!

Heart of the Raven by J.C. Wilder

Sold into slavery to an Overseer of the Realm, Dani is determined to win her freedom and make sure her heart is possessed by no man. For Haaken, time is running out. A family curse already condemns him to the form of the Raven and when he can find the one woman meant for him, only then will he be free. Too bad for both of them that this woman is determined to belong to no one.

Fly With A Dragon by Rosemary Laurey

A virgin sacrifice, a not-so ravening dragon and a happy ever after. Selected as the virgin sacrifice to the ravening dragon, Myfanwy awaits as Arragh, the fiery Dragon of Calder Bala, approaches across the sacred grove. But Arragh comes not to destroy. Instead he carries Myfanwy off to his domain in the far mountains, and a fate far, far better than death.

The definition of irony...

So Amazon has this amazing ebook reader called the Kindle. The retail is about 360.00 - quite a bit to pay in these financially strapped times. Now Amazon is well known for allowing readers / businesses to sell their used products on their website. Keep in mind that when you sell or buy a book via their used book system, the author receives nothing for the sale.

So where is the "Sell Yours Here' button for the Kindle?

It doesn't exist. You can't sell your used Kindle via Amazon.

What is the bottom line? Amazon is more than willing to cheat authors out of royalty money, but they aren't willing to take one for the team.

Surprised? I didn't think so.

So Long, George

"We're all fucked. It helps to remember that."George Carlin

Foto Friday!

Trash Talkin'

Charity Anthology

If you have a few moments, please check out:

http://www.mylifetime.com/blog/michelle-buonfiglio/power-love-authors-guestblog-women-helping-women

we're discussing the charity anthology, The Power of Love. All of the proceeds go to help battered women and children.

Chewing the fat...or not!

Don't you just love it when people say one thing but mean something completely different? It's like people want you to GUESS what they really mean. What's up with that? IMO, this is most rampant among women because they don't want to be perceived as confrontational or...dare we say...rude?

Below are some of my interpretations for a range of platitudes that you could hear on any given day.

When you see a long lost friend and they tell you...'Wow, you look great..." = "Damn bitch, couldn't you have gotten fat or something?"

"No, those pants don't make your butt look fat..." = "Your butt is what makes you look fat, not the pants." (Besides, do we really want to hear the truth? I don't think so...because if you have to ask, you already know your butt looks big)

"Are you going to eat that?" = "I'm so hungry, I should give up my carrot and celery sticks and have something GOOD for a change."

"Did you see that dress? She looks like a skank..." = "I'm feeling really crappy about myself so its much easier to beat up on someone who will never know I'm talking trash about them..." or "I'm jealous because I know these pants make my butt look fat."

:)

Speaking of Criminals...

In America, there are approximately 47 million people without any form of health insurance. Consequently they make choices like whether or not to pay the light bill or buy their medications. Last night CBS news did a piece on free clinics in America and they interviewed a man who had lost his job and was a diabetic. He said that losing his insurance was more frightening than losing his job because without his meds - he dies.

Everyone says that we live in the richest country in the world yet this is what we've come to? People have to choose between eating and taking their meds? How many ways can someone say this just isn't right?

Yesterday I received a bill from the lab who ran my blood work back in April. The charges were as follows:

Cholesterol test - 37.20
Lipoprotein test - 50.60
Triglycerides test - 37.20
TSH test - 122.60
Veinipuncture - 18.45
Creatinine test - 15.81
Electrolyte test - 21.64

Grand Total - 303.50

Anyone got a spare 303.50 just hanging out? Probably not.

I do have insurance but I pay through the nose for it - almost 425.00 per month. Carrying private health insurance simply isn't a choice for most Americans and I do feel their pain. But it wasn't the bill that made my head spin - with the final line on the bill:

Insurance Disallowance - 282.18

My total - 21.32

So here is my beef - if I didn't have overinflated health insurance, I'd have to pay 303.50 rather than 21.32. But because my insurance negotiates the prices they will pay, I only have to pay 21.32. Now take note, my insurances isn't paying 282.18 - they are requiring that the lab company Write It Off.

Those who are uninsured don't have that luxury. They might be able to contact the lab and get the bill cut in half - but IMO, the crime is that they are BILLED that amount to begin with.

Do you ever get the feeling that all anyone ever wants is to get into your pockets? I know I feel that way and I'm sick and tired of it.

Lori Foster & Dianne Castell's Readers Weekend

This past weekend was the Lori Foster, Dianne Castell Readers and Writers Weekend. Much fun was had and yes...I failed to take any photos. I carry a dratted camera everywhere I go but do I take it out?

Nooooo......

Thank goodness someone took this one. There were over 100 authors in attendance.

It's ALIVE!

It's available - all proceeds go to help battered women and children.

More Photos - The Brothers Hillstrand

The boys and I in Concord, NC. Andy is sticking his tongue out. They started laughing when they saw me and I tossed a stuffed bird at Andy. I told him he was in BIG trouble as this was Squacky's brother...CRISPY...and he was out for revenge. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you need to see the last show.

A slightly better version of the photo from the Cleveland signing.

I can't figure out why my pics came out so badly. Normally my camera and photos are On Point. Just not lucky this time around. Of course it means the next time they're in town I will have to force myself to see them...I know, life is filled with sacrifice.

Johnathan and I in Concord, NC. I was coming north, he was headed south - two ships that pass in the night...

Okay, bad pun.

He threw his arm around me and whispered, 'didn't we just do this a few days ago?'

We had but that didn't stop us from posing again. LOL.

If nothing else, the weather down south was fabulous. For this Ohio girl - I could use all the warm weather I can get...and if you throw in a handsome man...where do I stand in line? :)

Much fun was had....I swear I only got about 3 hours sleep each time. I'm way too old for this craziness. :)

The Deadliest Men - The Brothers Hillstrand from Deadliest Catch

Yes, I know the photo is crappy.

The person taking the photo didn't know what they were doing...as we can tell. :)

Yes, if you squint you will see that is the Brother's Hillstrand from Discovery's Deadliest Catch. So how was I lucky enough to end up in a yummy Hillstrand sandwich? They were doing a signing in Cleveland so I headed up to get a book signed and here I am.

They were almost exactly as they appear on the show - warm, welcoming and just fun to hang out with.

After the signing we hit the bar (yes, I always make it a habit to pick up signing authors and take them out to get drunk - LOL!) and had a fun filled evening watching the latest episode of Deadliest Catch while downing the world famous Duck Farts - a drink from Alaska. They're really good and the recipe is below.

The funniest part of the evening was watching the show...then looking over to see Johnathan....then seeing Andy on tv....and there he was less than 2 feet away. Talk about SURREAL. They hadn't seen the show so we were yelling at the screen and they gave me all the scoop on the other kids on the show.

And what was the most important question I asked them? Does Sig go tanning? He's starting to look a little like George Hamilton....

Andy - thanks for letting me pester you unmercilessly with questions, see you soon.

Johnathan - it is out there man - and its YOURS for the taking - love you!

Duck Fart Recipe:

1 part Kahlua

1 part Irish Cream

1 part Crown Royal (Whiskey)

You can either layer it in a glass or shake it up with ice like a martini - Watch out, they will KICK your ass. :)

First Love

I was in the shower this morning and it hit me - if my breasts sag any more then I'll be in danger of tripping over them.

Oh wait, that's not my topic.

Do you remember your first love? You know - the one over which you took great pains to be 'ready' should you run into them? Just saying their name was enough to make you giddy for hours and you can't stop smiling like a fool when someone mentions them. Maybe you were in high school and that One Perfect Soul was in your history class and you absolutely obsessed over seeing them. Just a glance of their beloved face was enough to cause you to float on air the rest of the day.

Then, if you were really, really lucky - they brushed past you in the hall and their sleeve touched your arm. You swore to your friends you would never ever wash that arm again.

The motherlode came when they actually SPOKE to you. Ah...the sheer rapture of just hearing their sexy voice directed at you - their unknown love of their life. For the next two days you relive those seconds when they spoke to you...'did you know you have a bugger hanging out of your nose?' and you swear those words were spoken only to you and you alone. Never had something so utterly poetic been spoken to anyone else in the world. You Have Found The Greatest Of All Loves.

Remember that?

My first crush was the fourth grade - his name was Phillip and he moved away in the fifth. I was crushed, inconsolable....until the next cute boy came along. Yeah, I'm fickle at times. :)

My first real 'love' was in high school. His name was Johnny Jones (how original) and he worked at the skating rink. His co-worker (Doug of the frosted hair) was my best friend's crush so we went through the agonies of the damned getting ready to go skating.

First the hair had to be curled to within an inch of its life. Back in the early 80's this meant wrapping your hair in the curling iron and brandishing a can of Aqua Net at the same time. You sprayed your hair ON THE IRON until it crackled. Once you saw a whiff of smoke - it was ready.

Next was the makeup - heavy on the blue and applied with a palette knife. I wore so much mascara that I was in danger of gluing my eyes shut.

Next - the clothes. Now this was the most important part! Blue jeans - VERY TIGHT. If you could fit your finger between the waistband and your skin, they were too loose. We would dry our pants for HOURS before laying on the bed to zip them up. It was also the very last thing we'd put on as we didn't want our clothing to stretch before our loves saw us in our immaculate state.

Shirt - yes, a little cleveage was necessary - a lot was better. The goal was to fall down on the floor so they'd skate over and see if you were okay. Lots of cleavage would leave a good impression...on the floor maybe. :)

So this morning I was thinking, I don't believe that we ever fall in love with the same enthusiasm as we do that first time. People come and go from our lives and we begin building up this wall between us and the world where we guard our hearts even if only a little. I think it's sad and we're cutting ourselves off from the human experience even though it is understandable.

So your mission, should you chose to accept it, sometime this week find something that just amuses the hell out of you and THROW yourself into it with all the enthusiasm of a three year old. I think we would all be better off if we'd embrace that child side of ourselves and let them out to play. :)

13 Signs You're a 'Deadliest Catch' Fanatic

13 Signs You're a Deadliest Catch Fanatic 13. You hear the DC theme and your heart beats just a little faster.12. You catch yourself building a crab pot using only old fencing and duct tape.11. You then find yourself trying to toss said homemade crab pot into your tub and catch Red Gold, baby!10. Your pajamas have a photo of the Northwestern across the chest.9. You name your kids Edgar, Russell, Johnathan and Maverick.8. Your favorite game is pin the cigarette in Phil's mouth.7. You wake up screaming, 'Shut up and fish!'6. You think wearing an orange slicker is the latest in fashion statements.5. At your wedding, the song for your first dance is Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive.4. While on the treadmill you listen to the DC soundtrack.3. All your friends and family know not to call you when DC is on or you'll 'show them there's only one captain on this ship.'2. You keep hoping that in your next life you'll come back as a horse so Andy can 'whisper' to you.1. You are arrested in the local grocery store for feeling up the frozen crab while screaming, "big, big, big, big, big, big."

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James Frey....Fried....

I'm BACK and feelin' SNARKY!

In a recent Galley Cat Feed, author (koff....fraud....koff) James Frey announced that he 'feared and loathed' the press and wouldn't be doing any any other interviews.

Wait a minute - wasn't this revealed in an INTERVIEW? According to the article, his publisher asked him to do more press and he did this one interview...so I guess he was just following orders?

I've got news for Mr. Fried - if an author isn't willing to do something to promote their work, then they aren't serious about their craft. Doing the promotional work involved with writing is every author's least favorite part. Let's face it, our job forces us to be solitary creatures - does anyone think we want to be shoved out the front door in our panties?

Uh, no.

IMO, his 'fear and loathing' of the press is due to the fact that he lied and was outted by the press. He needs to put on his Big Boy Panties and face the mess he created instead of making lame excuses.

Karma can be a real bitch...and I just love her.

Cheapskate Friday

Growing up we pinched every penny until it screamed bloody murder. Looking back now, it wasn't easy but I thank my lucky stars because I can make fifteen dollars last for a week of meals!

Since the economy is going into the ditch, we could all use a few extra dollars to get by. I thought I'd share some of my favorite money saving tips and I asked my friends to share some too.

Laundry - My latest and greatest discovery is Sudsy Ammonia - you can find it in the cleaning products. Use 1/4 cup along with HALF of your normal amount of laundry detergent and your clothing will come out smelling fresh and sweet. This is especially good if you are washing something particularly smelly like gym clothes or dog beds. This stuff is a miracle!

Grocery Bags - It takes 1000 years for a simple plastic bag to decompose. Buy cloth bags and reuse them over and over again.

Coupons - don't be afraid to clip coupons! Thanks to the Internet:

http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv8-msgr&p=coupons&type=

you can find coupons for almost anything you want to buy. Mom is the Queen of the Coupons and it isn't unusual for her to save 50.00 or more every time she shops.

Milk - buy powdered milk and mix it with half regular milk. If you serve it ice cold then no one will notice. This is also good for cooking.

Ramen Noodles - Hey, love them or hate them, they are a college student's staple. Here are a ton of recipes to use for Ramen Noodles:

http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0geu.FqcCRI.WwAOGlXNyoA?fr2=sg-gac&sado=1&p=101%20ramen%20noodle%20recipes&fr=slv8-msgr&ei=UTF-8

Turn down the thermostat - In the winter we keep it around 66 and in the summer 74. Not only are we saving money but we also help the planet.

Cooking - Learn how to Braise meat. You can buy the cheapest cuts and create a masterpiece with a good braising liquid.

http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0geu8pucCRI2k0Bn19XNyoA?fr2=sg-gac&sado=1&p=braising%20recipes&fr=slv8-msgr&ei=UTF-8

Postage - pay everything online. I think I send out maybe 2 checks a month now. :)

And now some suggestions from my friends:

Jennifer Dunne - I bought a refrigerator negative ionizer that was recommended by my cooking club. It keeps foods from going moldy in the fridge, so I don't have to throw out fruits, salad greens, and vegetables because they've gone bad, or make multiple trips to the grocery store each week to buy foods right before I use them. Plus, it also gets rid of food odors, so I don't have to throw out foods because they're "off".

Kate Douglas - We got rid of the extra car that just sat in the driveway...with hubby retired we realized we almost always go places together and he’s got his motorcycle if I need the car. Saved us on insurance and registration. The only one we have is an economy pickup that gets good mileage—with gas up here already $4.18 a gallon for regular, we’re definitely watching the number of trips we take!

Sharon Horton - I highly recommend garage sales and visiting those antique/junk stores that have popped up all around. Last weekend, I went to a garage sale and saw a carousel horse that I recognized as being worth a pretty penny. I collect them, so I knew this horse probably retailed for a few hundred dollars. The tag said "make offer", but when I asked about the cost, the woman said she was hoping to get between $30.00 and $40.00 dollars. I offered to split the difference at $35.00 and she (happily) took it.
In addition to my carousel horse, I've saved lots of money by purchasing lamps, tables, wooden furniture and even decorative faux plants by visiting garage sales. Also, I like the idea of buying used items because it feels like I'm helping in the recycling effort.

JL Wilson - I also endorse Freecycle (a yahoo group) or Craigslist. I've sold 3 handheld computers in the last 2 days on Craigslist and since they were sitting around gathering dust, anything I got for them was a win.
Don't forget Goodwill or the Salvation Army. I got an excellent end table at Goodwill for $8 -- it's supposed to be one of those decorative flower pot holders, but I use it to store my TBR stack, thus freeing up space on the real end table for other things. And I've gotten some great clothing at Salvation Army for $2 - $3 each -- oversized men's shirts that I wear over a tank top in the summer time.
I also score big at K-Mart, which is my first stop shopping place. They've merged with Sears and Lands End, so the quality is really pretty good (Craftsmen tools, etc.)
Really, though, the best tip is STOP AND THINK: do I need it? will I use it? is it essential? do I have something that will work? We just rennovated our house, redesigning our home offices. I reused just about every piece of furniture (with some painting and some 'editing') and only added new bookcases from IKEA where needed. We added trim pieces of molding, and the $300 bookcases look custom-made and built-in.

NJ Walters - One of the best ways to save money is to ask yourself if you really need something before you buy it. Look at the clothing in your closet before you actually buy new. Be realistic--how many pairs of shoes or purses do you actually need. I know it's tough, but it's better to have two or three fabulous purses, or pairs of shoes, you love then to have a closet full of ones you don't use. If the clothing item or accessory is still good, but you're just tired of wearing it, then donate it before you buy more.
Shop thrift stores and yard sales. There's not a new dish in my cupboard. They're all yard sale. My every day dishes are from the early 1900's. It's cool to eat off vintage dishes every day.
Use public transit when possible.
Use reusable bags.
Once every six months, live off what's in your cupboard before you go out and buy new. If you're inventive, you'd be amazed how many days you can go before you have to buy much food. That way the food that is stored in your pantry doesn't expire and have to be tossed.

Ann Bruce - I did a TT on Saving Money at:

http://annbruce.wordpress.com/2008/04/30/tt-16-money-matters/

So what things do you do to save a few dollars?

Granny and the airbag...

My sister sent me this and it is too funny. The story is a lady was out videotaping some kids skateboarding when she hears the screech of tires. She turns to see whats going on and...well...its all here in humiliating glory.

Shut up and FISH!

I've always been fascinated with the way the human brain works. My father taught me how to love my brain when I was a kid and it isn't really something I can describe very well. But if you think about a maze - like the ones you played with as a child - your brain is very much like that. You start out thinking about one thing such as buying milk then 5 seconds later you're contemplating just how much lint your belly button can hold.

Okay - its a vivid image but just go with it...

I'm an avid blog reader. I admit, I like the bits of gossip as much as the belly button lint pondering. I enjoy seeing how other's minds work and how they move from one topic to the next. Are they a ranter? (I am - I pick a rant then chew it to death) Are they a Meanderer? (a person who wanders from topic to topic, taking time to get to their goal) Are they a type A blogger? (all bullet points) Are they a mumbler? (someone who comments on a lot of things but never really tells you what they believe - I think they're afraid of commitment but thats just me)

So I openly admit that I've been reading the other blogs who have been commenting on my inadvertent kerfuffle regarding the recent RT conference. That said, I haven't commented on any of them. Why? Because my father taught me that it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth (or keyboard) and prove it.

One of my favorite shows is Deadliest Catch on the Discovery channel. One of the captains, Sig Hansen, loves to say, 'Shut up and Fish,' when the crew gets to complaining. So rather than comment on the blogs, the only thing I have to say is -

'Shut up and Fish.' :)

Fantastic News...

I'm pleased to report that I'm not front page news on any of the blogs today...thankyouverymuch! :)

Yesterday I spent most of the day excavating my library/bedroom. I'm in the midst of redoing my bedroom so my bed is here in my library. The best part is if I sit at the computer for too long I only have to get up and fall sideways to get into bed.

The worst part is that I only have to get up and fall sideways into bed. :)

I find I'm watching more television now (I don't keep a tv in the bedroom) and since the tv and bed are in the same place...well, you get the picture.

If you believe / do Feng Shui then you already know when you hit a rough patch in your life, you need to move things around. Movement in your environment changes the energy flow and will enable you to perk up a bit. (unless you're me and move too much then wear yourself out and end up needing a nap!)

So I'm going to spend today and tomorrow putting my library to rights so that I can write and feel peaceful in here. With all the clutter I find it makes me edgy...that and I lose things. Nothing irritates me more than misplacing something that I know I was the last one to use / touch. So organizing and cleaning, for me, is a great way to relieve stress and frustration.

What do you do to relieve frustration?

Taking the High Road

One trick my father taught me was when I wake up in the morning, to automatically say, 'this is the first day of the rest of your life.' Okay, it is a little schmaltzy but it does serve as an important reminder - no matter what you do in life, that deed can be redeemed. You cannot change your history but you can change the path you're walking.

I grew up in a negative household. It was always about what bad thing was going to happen next. Both of my parents were ill and I was the major caretaker, I was the one that held it together and it was hard, harder than even I can imagine or remember.

In my late thirties I decided I'd had enough of that constant negativity and I decided to turn it around. Rather than the 'why me' mentality I'd picked up in childhood, I turned it around to 'if I have enough breath to bitch about it, then I'm doing better than many.' How true that is.

In the past few years I turned myself from a glass half empty to a glass half full personality and that is something I love about myself. A sense of humor and the ability to see through all the bull is what will get you through life with a lot less bumps than someone who is constantly negative. There is nothing that I can't handle - I can roll with the punches and come up smiling.

I lost sight of that for a few minutes.

There has been a lot of negativity swirling around me lately and I allowed myself to get sucked into it. I forgot one of my life 'rules', just because someone says something, that doesn't make it true.

Several people have been making erroneous negative statements about me and my person and after two weeks of nonstop negativity, I allowed myself to get sucked in yesterday. I was angry, depressed and feeling negative about everything until I remembered something important - they weren't talking about me.

One of my favorite ANTM moments is when some of the girls are gossiping about another girl and they were being very bitchy about it. 'Mama' stepped in and told them, 'when someone is hating on someone else, it isn't about that person. It's because the haters are feeling insecure or threatened by the person they are hating on.'

How true it is. I don't know why certain people have decided I'm their target of the moment but it really doesn't matter as sooner or later it will be someone else. Rather than poking at me they should be looking at themselves and their lives to try and determine why they are acting out in such a hateful fashion. It's their issue, not mine.

So repeat after me - Just because someone says something, it doesn't make it true.

So for those who continue to take shots at me, just imagine what you could accomplish if you used your talents for good rather than bad? :)

I think I'm being stalked...

Once again I've made the front page of Karen Scott's blog. This is what, the fourth time in two weeks?

Karen, I had no idea you cared so much. :)

I'm not pressed about making front page news, let's face it - as a writer any publicity it good as long as they spell your name right. What concerns me more is the REASON why I'm front page news.

Once again, for the second or third time, one of my fellow authors is trying to give me the put down for writing my experiences on RT. (go to Karen's blog as she has a link, I'm not going to give this person any publicity) She has deemed it necessary to attack me for using multiple pen names and / or alias' in her words.

What pains me more than anything else is that said author cannot see what damage she's doing to herself and her credibility. The entire reason she is attacking me is because I wrote my thoughts on the latest RT conference and she felt that a) I showed her publisher in a bad light (ignoring the fact that I never mentioned any publisher until SHE did on my blog) and b) that I work for another publishing house under another name (this hasn't been a secret for the past year as I introduced myself in early 2007 as this publisher's representative.)

She's made her point (right or wrong) and yet she insists upon beating this into the ground over and over again as if she was three years old.

Guess what, author - we get it - you don't like me. You've made your point now leave it alone and try to salvage what little credibility you have left.

P.S. - you might want to remove my link from your blog Friends list - it looks a little whack that you list me a friend while you're attacking me.

Wednesday Morning Shout Out!

I want to give a shout out to my local Starbucks. This morning has been *so* hectic that I forgot to put my wallet back in my purse. (how stupid can I be???) When I went to order my vanilla latte and Low Fat Cranberry Oat Bran muffin...I had no way to pay for it. I finally managed to scrounge up 2.00 in stray change and they gave me my coffee for free.

Guess I should've ordered a bigger one, huh? :)

Thanks, Ladies!!!

Recommended Read

It's rare that I recommend a book - mainly because I read so little anymore. Last year I think I might've read 8 books - used to be I'd read that much in a week. :)

But I did manage to devour Shadow Magic by Cheyenne McCray and I LOVED it.

Here is the blurb:

THE SINS OF THE PAST
When Hannah Wentworth temporarily flees her life in San Francisco to join her sister D’Anu witches in Otherworld, she vows to help them conquer the evil bent on destroying the human realm. But the only one who can help her happens to be the king of the Dark Elves. The father to her nemesis, Rhiannon of the D’Anu. And the one man Hannah can never, ever trust...especially because of her dangerous attraction to him.
ARE COMING TO LIGHT…
Garran knows that the beautiful, headstrong Hannah is wary of him for having banished his people to a life underground. But now Garran can right that wrong by helping her and the other gray witches in their dangerous battle in San Francisco—even if doing so means sacrificing the passion he’s found only in Hannah’s arms…

The art of the snark & maintaining your composure as the cabin decompresses...

At a young age I'd already perfected the snark though back then it wasn't called that. My father used the term 'smart ass' or 'wise ass'. My question for you - is your ass really wise or smart? I mean, it kinda just sits there...pardon the pun.

"Ewww...you're adopted...your parents didn't want you..."
"Oh yeah? Well my parents chose me and yours were stuck with you."

But I digress. I was adopted at an early age and back in the (koff) early seventies (koff) it was unusual to be adopted let alone admit it. Somehow it had become a topic of conversation at school and the kids began to tease me about it and this was when the snark spirit came alive in me.

"Damn, did you see how fat she is?"
"Fat can be cured, stupid can't."

Mean people, you know, the ones that say nasty things behind your back - in general they're wimps. If they had the balls God gave them, when they had an issue they'd say it to your face. But we all know people like that - who bend with the breeze of the climate of their friends. In general they will just suck the life out of you. All it takes is a little face to face action and they'll back down like cotton candy in the rain.

"I heard she blew the gym teacher to get an A."
"Who told you this?"
"The gym teacher."
"And you were dumb enough to believe him?"

Tyler Perry (Director, Actor, Playwright - I HIGHLY recommend checking out his plays, they are hilarious) put it best when he said there were three kinds of people in the world. Leaves, branches and roots. The leaves are the friends that are only there for a good time - can't depend upon them but they are amusing for the moment.

"She could sell advertising on an ass that size..."
"You could too if you'd quit shoving your finger down your throat..."

The branches are the friends that want to be dependable but just don't have the backbone to do it. In order to be a good friend, it takes effort on all parts and these guys are in it for the short run. Put too much pressure on them and they snap.

"Hey babe, you look like you need to get lucky..."
"Why, are you leaving soon?"

Then there are the roots. The roots are the ones who are with you for the long haul. They've seen your stretch marks and heard about your hemorroids and love you anyway. They help you hide the bodies and know where your secret chocolate stash is - they let you rant and rave about your significant other (or insignificant other depending upon your mood) and they don't think you're nuts to stay with him/her. They're the ones who have your back in a dog fight...or a white sale - whichever comes first.

So what is the point of this blog?

Say what you mean and mean what you say. People may (will) try to twist it but if you're honest, there's nothing about that which can be twisted. When people draw erroneous conclusions about you, your person or your spirit, it only reflects badly upon them. Chances are they are feeling unhappy or threatened by you in some way - that's when the bitch comes out.

Don't ever dull your shine to make someone else feel better about themselves - they won't appreciate it.

ROCK ON!

Current Obsessions

I'm like most Americans in that we all have our obsessions be they life long or momentary. My life long obsessions include:

Reese's Big Cup - I'm all about the peanut butter and this candy gives the proper amount. Big peanut butter, little chocolate. I'm all about that.

500 thread count sheets - once you sleep on them you'll give up your cable tv to pay for them.

gardening - Mom started me off with playing in the mud and I haven't stopped yet. The only difference now is I do hire someone for the heavy lifting.

Movies - I grew up watching musicals from the forties and fifties. On saturday afternoon I could usually be found in front of the television watching old Bob Hope or Fred Astaire movies.

My dogs - I've had dogs all my life and now I have three. I'd have three more if I didn't think it would send mom off the deep end. :)

Then we all have momentary obsessions -

Big Brother - I was obsessed until James was kicked off. It just wasn't any more fun without him.

America's Next Top Model - I love this show and I never miss it, even when they have the day long marathons.

Swimming - I love to swim and when I'm not traveling I hit the pool about four times a week.

Cooking - I love to cook but I usually lie down and wait until the urge passes. (It isn't the cooking, its the cleaning up I hate)

Driving - This is a new obsession with me. In the last 6 years I've put about 80k miles on my car just flitting from place to place. A six hour drive to Nashville is just getting warmed up for me. :)

So what are some of your favorite obsessions?

The current kerfuffle...

Once again I have made Karen Scott's blog though this time it wasn't for anything I said. It was because a fellow author felt it necessary to point out my 'lack of professionalism' by coming to my blog and posting her thoughts. Then, on her blog, said author posted my URL in conjunction with vultures and the tabloid press.

Tabloid? Not even...

This is going to be my last comment on all of this silliness. I wrote about the conference because I always write about the cons that I attend during the year. At no point in time did I poke fingers at a publisher, a particular cover model, author or reader. People have put so many words in my mouth that any minute I expect to get credit for the Gettysburg Address.

Go read my blog and you will see that commentors outted some people (including said author above, she actually mentioned the publisher by name) and I never did. My posts were a report of what I experienced and overheard at the conference, no more no less.

I realize that some are trying to assign a motive to my 'embellished' (as mentioned by said author above) tales and yes, I do have one. I want the conference to be about romance novels and the people who love them, not chocolate penis' and gropping (be it by the models or attendees). I made my first complaints about the behavior of some models back in 2005 (yes, 2005 - 3 conferences ago) and their behavior has only gotten worse each year. Though why some blogs picked up on my blog this year I have no idea as my reporting was no different than it had been in the past.

As someone so kindly mentioned, yes, I do work as the marketing person for a small press, I also work as the marketing person for about 35 independent authors from small press to NYTers. I am a contractor for all of these businesses and I am paid to be impartial. Almost everyone I know has multiple hats they wear, mother, wife, writer, accountant, teacher etc - and they balance their lives successfully and I'm no different. I worked in the corporate world for 12 years, I know how to keep secrets. If I spill something about one business to another, do you really think that second business would recommend me to anyone else?

Uh, no. When you work in marketing, you're only as good as your last client thinks you are.

As for one of my publishers tossing me off their chat loops, yes they did. But I was the only one they removed. Seeing that they have other authors who also work for other publishers, I find this to be an interesting development as those authors are still on the loops.

So for those who are trying to hint that I was a 'spy' or up to no good, shame on you. Just because you're paranoid and suspicious doesn't mean the rest of us live by that code. I am who I am and if you want to assign some sort of motive to anything I've said or did, go for it. Just because you 'believe' it doesn't mean its true.

I'm so over all of this.

Perspective

I received word that Meriam Gray, the owner of Topaz Promotions, has passed away. I didn't know Meriam very well but she was working with me on book promotions and she was a lovely lady.

My thoughts go out to her family and friends.

Sexy Beast!!

Recognize this man? Why it's Mike Rowe from Discovery's Dirty Jobs. I don't know what it is about him but DAMN I think he's hot. How 'bout you?

When good authors go bad...

As the stomach turns...

I have been removed from one of my publisher's email list entirely. Once again, I'm pretty sure it was just me that was removed - but what about the other authors who work for other publishers? Chances are they weren't booted...just little ole me.

The last instance of removing an author from their lists (without telling her by the way) was an author who complained about the publisher's bad behavior. They too were removed from the lists without any contact from said publisher.

Now THAT is professionalism.

David and Goliath

It would appear that my blog posts about RT have angered a particular publisher. Hmm, imagine that - I've annoyed someone. It never fails that people get so upset when you tell the truth.

It would seem they are questioning my motives for making negative statements about the behavior of the male models they sponsored at the recent RT conference. In a memo to their staff, they mentioned my association with another epublisher - hinting that I had some dark ulterior motive to lodging a complaint.

What I find amusing about that is I never tried to hide anything. I attended RT in 2007 and handed out business cards to all and sundry. A great many of their authors knew who I was so I have to ask myself, why would they bring this up now? To try and make my 'motivation' seem more sinister than it is? Talk about grasping at straws...

Convoluted? Yes. Logical? No.

See, the bad blood between said publisher and I came to light in 2005 - long before the other epublisher even existed. That was the first year I made a complaint about the behavior of their models. So why did I make the original complaint?

The authors received an email from TPTB that outlined our expected behavior in public. Yes, we were given guidelines on how to act and to dress while representing the company at a conference. Now the models - they obviously received a different code of conduct as they were offending people by making dick jokes and talking about how many times they were going to get laid at the conference.

And this was only at lunch.

Why should the authors be held to a different set of standards than the ahem...models? If anything they are far more public than the authors so where were their standards of behavior? They didn't have any. Now I hear they have some sort of standards now but I saw little evidence of that in Pittsburgh.

Hence the reason for my first complaint and for any model complaints after that - it has to do with professionalism or lack thereof. Why do the authors receive recommendations for how we should appear while the models drag their knuckles on the floor? Does that smack of sexism to you?

I guess their way of slapping my hand is to remove me from some of the yahoogroups they use for communication. I have to ask myself, they have a few other authors who work for competing houses - were they removed as well?

Somehow I doubt it. I guess I'm just lucky.

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More dribs and drabs...

In the past two days I've received more email about my blog and my, erm, controversial comments that I felt I needed to make a comment or two.

A publisher representative implied that many of their authors were questioning my motivation for posting the information I did. Was I mad / bitter at someone, did I do it for attention or to embarass someone...

Uh, no. If you look at the old blog entries here you will find I comment on RT every year. I usually post blow by blow accounts of events and I have done so since at least 04. It's what I do - this blog is to entertain first. If you read through the entries I'm not a 'newsy' or gossip blog at all. I think this year's commentary caught on because it was more newsworthy. Models running amuck, copious breasts on display (which really isn't new), public floggings...authors behaving badly...its more of the same.

Ever since the Cassie Edwards story broke on Smart Bitches, it has become fashionable to snark the romance world so people are looking for that dangly bit to latch onto. Let's face it, that aspect is now a part of our every day life whether we like it or not. The reason romance is such a great target is because our books deal with sex and touchy feely issues and that makes some people uncomfortable. IMO, it is because we (readers and authors) are willing to put ourselves out there for love while others just see it as being weak or a softie.

I say BRING on the huggy stuff because I want the fantasy and the romance... I will take honest emotions over car crashes and international espionage any day.

The distinction between cover models and the cavemen.

There are actually two distinct groups of models who attend RT each year. First there are the RT Competition Contestants. This group of models are usually your every day Joe. They are nominated by friends, family etc and they come to the convention for a little fun or to launch their careers. They, in general, are very normal, nice, considerate guys.

The next group are the Cavemen from Ellora's Cave. Rodney, whom everyone adores, is a normal man with exquisite manners, a kind smile and a great personality. He is also married with a beautiful little girl and when his wife walks into the room (now THERE is a beautiful woman, inside and out) no other woman exists for him.

Happy Sigh. Isn't that what we want from our heroes?

Then there are the rest of the cavemen most of which are strippers. Now I don't have an issue with strippers but I do have an issue with common courtesy. If you can't have a conversation with a stranger without them putting their arms around you, or touching you (or them) inappropriately, that IMO is a problem.

Do we go to the grocery store and grope the cashier? I certainly hope not. :)

I lost count of the number of people who approached me at the con and thanked me for what I blogged. They were uncomfortable with what happened with regards to the men (and a few model comments) and they weren't happy with it.

Do these men really believe that being groped (or groping) a woman in the bar is what we want from our heroes? My heroes treat their women with respect and dignity, they don't simulate oral sex for a crowd. They don't hoot and holler when someone is being flogged (they were willing floggees) in the middle of a bar. Our heroes aren't meat and many of their actions were not heroic. If someone wants to put on a strip show during a venue at a conference then it needs to be labeled as such.

I have a stack of email from authors and readers alike telling me their experiences of being touched inappropriately, of incidents in the bar (most talked about the flogging) and some bad behavior of the authors.

I spoke to the Fallen Angel Reviewers who were lambasted for trying to help distribute sale material (related to the ebooks) during the ebook fair. Because the information wasn't available in a timely fashion, it was these lovely ladies who took the brunt of it from cranky authors.

What? When did professionalism go out the door? Then again, if you surf the internet you'll see authors behaving badly all over the place so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I really loved the one where the author hired a PI to track down a reviewer who gave her a bad review. She gathered the woman's family information back to her grandparents...and for what? I don't even want to know.

So now onto more fun things...

The conference season is in full swing so below is a list of fun, romance friendly conferences you might want to consider:

Lori Foster's Reader and Writer Get Together

Celebrate Romance

New Jersey Romance Writers

Central Ohio Fiction Writers

Moonlight and Magnolias

Hilarity Abounds...

Some of the best moments of RT:

- At the awards luncheon my friend Lori popped by the say hi. Next to me Beth Williamson is poking me and hissing 'Introduce me.'
I look at Lori and then at Beth. I was willing to introduce her but I wasn't sure why it was so important to her. Then it dawned on me. My friend is Lori Foster, NYT best selling author and I just don't see her that way. I see Lori the Mom, Lori the wife, Lori the sports nut... :)

- Heather Osborn and the retelling of an episode of Sandra Lee's Almost Homemade - it was the show about creating holiday cakes from angel food...from a store. After her retelling of the show, I'd almost be willing to watch it. (probably not)

- When the lights went out during the book signing. The collective AW! was hilarious.

- Signing books by cell phone light.

- Cindy Holby dropping something under the table then bending over to get it - nothing exciting in that except she was wearing her fairy wings and it took some acrobatics to get her under the table.

- Sitting outside the ballroom the night of the vampire ball and watching the costume parade. Some were quite good while some were just quite...interesting.

- The mad dash to WalMart to buy a frige as the hotel gave mine away. (That hotel was a PIT. Everyone I know has come home with at least a pound of plaster in their lungs. Most of them are coughing until they choke - how pretty)

- All of the fabulous volunteers, all unpaid, who work hard to pull the conference together.

- Kathryn's ability to command help quickly. We had an injury just before the Samhain Sayanara party and she managed to get a bucket of ice to the room in less than 5 minutes. I've never see that hotel staff move so quickly.

- The fairy ball decorations were exquisite - a very classy event.

- Club RT was fun as usual. The readers were fab and I love sitting around and telling tall tales with other authors.

- The lady who approached me at the Samhain party to thank me for taking her under my 'wing' several years ago. I do remember her amazingly enough and I was flattered that she even thought about that event. It was in Columbus and she'd arrived at the con for the book signing. She was alone so I kidnapped her, we got lunch then went back to the con. I then slipped her into the booksigning early. :)

- The ladies who thanked me for blogging about the more unsavory side of the events at RT.

A minor 'retraction' -

The stripping that happened after the military tribute was just that, after the military tribute. My issue was still that they used the American flag and one of the cavemen was shaking his best friend behind it. If there hadn't been a military salute then I probably wouldn't have had much of a problem with it. But to have a salute to honor the military then less than an hour later have the dancers doing pelvic thrusts with the flag, that's just not right. Love it or hate it, that is the American flag that millions of people died for - it deserves more respect than that. I come from along tradition of military service and my father would get angry if we folded it wrong.

The mad dash to assume

A popular romance blog picked up on my RT reports and the response has been interesting. While at the bookfair on Saturday a good number of attendees approached me and thanked me for my posts. They too were offended / annoyed at the over the top behavior of some attendees and they felt what I said mirrored their feelings as well.

As I keep saying, this blog is about my experience and if you feel the same way then guess what, we're both in good company. (Well, I think I'm good company because I'm almost always armed with snacks and a wide smile)

Which is a good segue into the spark for this post. One of the responses to Karen's post was this:

"Hm. My thought of the moment - if someone has to resort to Lycra maybe there’s a personal reason they get pissed at seeing another woman wearing see-through fabric? Can’t help but wonder."

Dear poster - you made me laugh and it was a big belly laugh because yes, I have a big belly and I embrace every fabulous inch of myself.

Firstly - I love the assumption that anyone with a few extra pounds would be jealous of someone who 'could' wear a see-through skirt.

Rebuttal - Since the average size of a woman in the United States is a size 14 / 16 I find this viewpoint to be interesting. If this con was a microcosm of our society then roughly 50% would be in this size range if not higher. The vast majority of people who were seen in their party garb were not a size 2 or even a 10. (if our average size is a 14/16 - why is it still the size 2 cover model that is held up as our ideal?)

I think what made me laugh the hardest was the the (very) common assumption that everyone of size (i call myself a woman of Epic Proportions ) would be jealous of someone in a see through skirt. It never occurred to the poster that maybe there are some of us who embrace and love our curvaceous bodies and we are secure in ourselves. That we don't need sheer skirts and a size 10 to be sexy - we are sexy as is.

I've been overweight all of my life. Two years ago I was blessed to be reunited with my biological sisters and guess what, we're all overweight. My family is German and we have the butts to prove it.

When I was younger it really bothered me that I had a tendency to lean to the heavy side of the scale but I'm so far past that now. So to anyone who is reading this and has some not-so-kind feelings about their body, come on in...the water is fine.

I'm 42 and I love every fabulous inch of my body. I am (a) friend, loving, daughter, sister, puppy momma, giving, beautiful woman, artist, writer, charity worker, civic volunteer, lover, warrior, poet, friend, confidant, hard worker, compassionate, loyal and more. And anyone who is reading this - go create your own list because I'm sure a great many of my attributes are yours too.

So to the poster who said: Hm. My thought of the moment - if someone has to resort to Lycra maybe there’s a personal reason they get pissed at seeing another woman wearing see-through fabric? Can’t help but wonder.

Not on your life, my friend. Beautiful / sexy isn't about what you put OUT there - its about what you carry inside. In order to be a size 14/16 if I had to exchange the knowledge and confidence that I'm a beautiful woman inside and out I'd take a pass. I sleep better knowing I have a good sense of self and I wouldn't trade that for all the sheer skirts in the world.

RT - the pieces that get stuck between your teeth

I'm home and safe in my bed covered in very happy dogs. I literally hit my bed face down and woke up to the debris of a Reese's Big Cup (luvs them like a fat kid loves brownies) sprinkled across my pillow. I guess I can count myself lucky that if I did sleep eat, at least it was a Reese's and not a pillow...tv remote...

This morning I felt like a sweat sock owned by a fourteen year old boy. I've been running on 4 - 5 hours of sleep a night and I'm a girl that LOVES my sleep so I'm happy to be home in my soft clothes.

Sunday morning was the Samhain Publishing party and it was such fun. We raced around to setup the room, had tons of giveaways and yummy food. The California Roll was EXCELLENT. It must have come from outside of the hotel as it was the best thing I had to eat all week. :)

Two of the lovely cover models were there, one was Fred and the other...don't know his name. (If anyone knows who it was, please let me know as I'd love to give him a shout out) They were kind enough to assist me in pulling the names for the drawings and allow me to tease them. They were perfect gentlemen and I'm pleased to report that the readers had lots of fun and no clothing was removed!

A huge thank you to everyone who attended and allowed my to perform my Wylder Road Show one final time. I'm quite happy to report the public Wylder has been shoved (kicking and screaming) into her coffin not to come out until the Lori Foster Event in June. (Sorry Lori, I can only keep her locked up so long - even prisoners are allowed exercise)

Now onto the juicy stuff -

As I mentioned in a previous post, last night was the Dorchester party and it was great fun. I'm a wanna be Prom Queen like most women and I love chair dancing. The Butterscotch Martini Girls and I shared a table with Jo the Librarian (secretly a wild woman in disguise) and several other fabulous women. We had much fun and enjoyed the band (thanks to Kathy Love and the Impalers) and watched the show. The theme was boots and there were shoes the likes of which I've never seen before. I don't know about anyone else but DAYUM - I'd have killed myself just taking one step in some of them.

How did those girls walk on their toes like that?

My usual way of keeping myself amused at conferences is to hit the bar and remain there until the cleaning staff try to run a duster over me. I have a severly degenerated left leg due to a bad break about 20 years ago so walking and standing can be difficult for me so I let people come to me in the bar. Most of my friends call it holding court, I call it a necessity as I can't do what I used to do...but I will again soon so dance floors...WATCH OUT. Wilder will be In Da Howse!

So last night I spent 3 hours in the bar watching baseball.

Baseball you say...

Yes, baseball - now let me explain the game. We have teams consisting of individuals in said bar and various actions on their part or their opposing team or themselves are how we score. For example -

Team 1 - EC Caveman (and the title suits him)
Team 2 - Blonde girl in stripper garb

Scoring
A touch between the shoulder and waist - first base
A touch on the thigh - second base
A leg around the oposing teams leg - third base
Grabbing the crotch - HOME RUN

How we play - We have a commentator (just call me Howard Cosell with better fashion sense) and we have the spectators. anyone can call out a play and when the teams part that is the end of the inning. When they come back together it was BATTER UP.

And yes, I was the one yelling this in the bar.

It started slowly with myself and a few friends. I was sitting on the right side of the bar facing the bar when the two teams came into view. Seated at the bar - team one was on the phone for at least 20 minutes while team two tried to run the bases multiple times until team one would strike them out.

Additional commentary - first off, why would you want to put your hands in the lap of a man WHO IS TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE AND BRUSHING YOU OFF? Have some respect for yourself woman - its no wonder 'men are pigs' when the ladies are so willing to debase themselves like this. Never allow anyone to treat you with the respect that you deserve.

NEVER.

Commentary over.

Over the course of three hours my group ebbed and flowed. At one point we had THIRTEEN people in chairs lined up in a row watching the rest of the bar like it was a live play. Now I ask you, how can people have NOT known what we were doing?

During the evening I called the plays, the spectators mingled to get the up close and in your face (or crotch) action. At one time we had at least 40 -people playing the game and the teams were oblivious. Of course John DeSalvo thought we were hootting him.

As if. Dude...its just not about you. (Oh, and for you bar afficinados - he was the one who removed the tampon from the Scene's sign - wash your HANDS, please)

So on the game went until a third team came on the scene. A woman in black velvet who was trying to make a move on team one. Team two wasn't having none of it so teams two and three were involved in a power struggle while team one hit on a new chick, aka team four.

Ladies - please refer to the commentary above.

Then along came teams five and six. For those of you lucky conference goers - team five was the CAVEman I refer to as potted plant boy (thanks to Cassie Ryan). I heard other references to him such as mop head and porn star. (Yes, this was the caveman with porn roots...and speaking of roots - DUDE, that is the worst weave ever. Next time try to spent at least 2.00 dolla on your tracks and avoid Kim's Cheap Weaves And Press On Crotches - Sally's Beauty Supply is so much better)

Sorry - momentary diversion.

Anyway - teams five and six arrive and I just happened to be up by the bar with the cheerleaders. yes I know baseball doesn't have cheerleaders but I'm a football girl so there you go. One of the cheerleaders said that when team five saw me he looked as if he'd been hit in the face with his bad weave. (Oh, and another clue - hair doesn't grow 10 inches in one year unless you're a chia pet) I thought that was funny as I tore him a new one (in a quiet and ladylike way of course) about acting like chipmunk boy in the bar on tuesday evening and bouncing off furniture. There are quite a few attendees with canes and wheelchairs - running around like a beserker isn't attractive nor a good idea.

So anyway - after a few hours the game died down. I think team 2 did hit a homer (caught them sucking face outside) and I was pretty sure I caught at least a crotch grab which was a home run. All said and done, I think team two did an outstanding job of running the bases and she definitely wins an award for most gold chain on one outfit.

Congratulations - you've won a compimentary pair of panties and a rabies shot. Good show! (Okay, that was bitchy even for me)

I then spent quite a bit of time chatting with CJ and Rodney, both of whom I adore. As we were sitting there there another show ensued, this one involved a flogger and rear ends. As the shouting and camera flashes increased, Rodney and I looked at one another and we said "I can't be involved in this" and we left.

Quotable quote from one of the cavemen - "This has been five days of pure hell."

Sometimes there are no words.

RT...the last gasp...

In true prophetic form, the final day has arrived and I'm constipated as HELL. Damn hotel doesn't know how to serve a veggie or whole grain if they tried. Is it too much to ask that they throw a little fruit cocktail my way? One would think that for a conference and room price as high as they are they could throw a little whole grain into the bland plastic chicken and rubber pasta luncheon.

Can a get a holla?

After the book fair I hooked up with Cindy Holby, Jade Lee, Isabo "Who's your boo" Kelly. and my roomie and stunt double Carolan Ivey. We were turned away from both of the restaurants in the hotel (so much for the free food coupons - They sit unused in my purse as I could never get into a restaurant to use them) so we hit our suite to stuff our faces with cold pizza, cheese, chips, chocolate and bagels.

Being the detail oriented writers we are, we spent a scholarly afternoon discussing play activities with rabbits, the tripod method and how I managed to mistake Chris Keesler (editor with Dorchester) for a cover model.

He was not amused.

Okay, he really was but seeing that I was standing next to Holby, I think he knew I probably had little to no sense at all and I made those kind of errors all the time. Guilt by association... I vaguely thought about introducing myself as La Nora but I'm far too tall to pull that off successfully.

After our snacking I headed out for dinner. Yeah, I know - I just ate. But one of many lessons I've learned at this hotel is to snag any free food you can as its a hike to get food if you're hungry. The chances of being served in the hotel are slim to none.

The Dorchester party started off with a bang. There were tons o' books to be had and the readers were lined up in droves. I spent my time chair dancing with Isabella Clayton, Kayla Janz and Cassie Ryan - aka the Butterscotch Martini girls. I luvs them...

More later, I need to pry open my eyes and make some semblance of becoming human. The Samhain party is in a few hours and I need to figure out how to get 120 lbs of coffee mugs down 8 floors...

Now approaching the finish line...

Only one more night of RT and 24 hours from now I'll be headed back to my soft clothes and fluffy slippers. BooYah!

The book signing is now over and was a resounding success. Much fun was had and the readers were loaded up with books. I lost count of the number of times readers approached me saying they were in absolute HEAVEN. A chance to meet their fav authors and hang with hunky men? BRING IT.

I have a ton of photos to put up but...yet again...I'm running out to grab a snack. More later.