Monday, January 23, 2006

Of All The Things I've Loved And Lost...

I miss my mind the most.

I have never had an issue with getting older. Truth Time - this is the truth. From the time I was about 25 I longed to turn forty. In my mind, forty was a time of great wisdom. The moment of my birthday a giant wallop of wisdom would come down from the heavens above and WHAM - I would know everything there is to know about anything. I'd be settled in life and know what I wanted to accomplish. I would care less about what people thought of me and would be more concerned with substance than style. I would give more time to worthy efforts than to coloring my hair and worrying about how my thighs look in a particular pair of pants. I'd look at people's hearts rather than their faces and I'd see everyone for who they really were and not what they wished to portray.

In short, I would rule the universe.

Guess what - I turned forty in September of 05 and I was almost right! I guess, for the first time in my life, I feel like a real grown up. Before now I always had this sneaky little voice mumbling that I was still a kid because my lifestyle has been, unconventional. Well, YEAH - doesn't the world have enough conventional people? Don't we need more color and spice??? Wearing purple is not just fashionable, it is a lifestyle people - write that down!

One thing I've noticed that more and more, people to come to me for advice - though I really don't think this is an age issue rather than a "I've been around the block" issue. My life has been very unconventional and I've worked in almost every industry on the planet. I've hung with Hollywood stars and my best friends, I've traveled, I've loved, I've lost, I've cried and laughed harder than I can even remember.

So yes, I do have some knowledge about life.

I've finally reached a point where I don't care as much about what people think of me and I care so little about fashion that it isn't funny. My outfit du jour is usually whatever is clean and stretchy. I am a good person, I try to help others, I have few vices (other than younger men and good chocolate LOL!) and I try to live hard and well. When I die, I want to hit the pearly gates with a martini in one hand and my lipstick smeared screaming, "WOO HOO, what a RIDE, BABY!)

And I think I'm well on my way.

That said - no one warned me about the wandering brain. I've always been a little absentminded. I chalk this up to being a writer. Let's face it, it can be difficult to concentrate when you have people in your head having full conversations. Over the years I've learned to fall in love with my mind and how it works. I might be cooking lunch and my brain is already drafting a letter to my publisher or compiling a grocery list. I am the ultimate multi-tasker.

That is why my brain wanders, and I'm sticking to this story.

A few months ago I was reading to my darling boy, Jaxson. I can't remember the book we were reading but the character was parachuting and I pointed to the parachute and told Jaxson it was an umbrella.


Jaxson, who had just turned four at the time, corrected me and thought I was kidding. (Oh if we could fool everyone this easily) In the months between the first memorable incident and now, it happens at least once a day. Today I was thinking about cleaning the over and called it a dryer. I guess I can take comfort in the fact that there are similiarities, they both have doors and get hot - so there you go. If I start calling the microwave the can opener, I might be in trouble.

I'm okay with my little 'precious moments' as I lovingly call them. In fact, they actually amuse me sometimes. Seeing that My Man has the same issue and he's only 25, I figure I'm in good company at least. We've already told the family if I start calling him Fred and he calls me Mona, they might want to enlist some help.

In general turning 40 has been fabulous. I do feel better emotionally than I ever have in my life. I do know where I'm going and how to get there, and isn't that the fun part - the journey? So here I am in my own boat of life, chugging along the rivers and enjoying the scenery. So I say to everyone, Come on in, the water is fine and I'm loving it.

That said, I really wish I'd known that the brain can only hold so much wisdom that the arrival of 40 would push a few things out the other side. So what if I call a crayon a pen, or if I put my laundry in the oven. Who cares? Its not like I use the oven for anything else anyway.

Now, what's your name again?