Saturday, December 22, 2007

What happens when you put your underwear on backwards

In case you can't tell from reading my blog, I'm a pretty rational, down to earth kind of girl. I'm not superstitious, I'm just what they call...sensible.

This morning I got up early, now when I say early, I mean it was still full dark outside. My plan was to hit the grocery store and pick up a few things then lock myself in the house until December 26 - that's when I go out and hit the after-Christmas sales. :)

So I did my morning thing, got dressed, fed the dogs - you get the picture. After I got dressed, I was wandering around the house and realized that my drawers just didn't feel right. I had actually put them on backward. (And you thought the header was just to get your attention!)

Well I was dressed with purse and coat in hand when I realized this. I wasn't about to strip down and turn my drawers around. Let's face it, shoe removal alone would've cost me a few minutes of time, let alone dealing with the whole drama that is pants removal when you're wearing socks and the pants are cotton.

Ugly picture isn't it?

Laughing at myself, I head out into the wilderness that is the local grocery store. That part of my morning was uneventful, thank goodness. I packed my car with my shopping and decided to splurge and hit McDonalds for a snack.

Yes, I know I am working on losing weight, but sometimes you have to give into a temptation. If you don't, then at some point you will have a weak moment and hours later you will wake up covered in hamburger and pie wrappers. We don't want that to happen now do we?

As I'm sitting in the drive thru, my car stalled. I wasn't too shocked, it has done that before. I've had the car for five years and its probably stalled maybe 4 times. I started it up again and it purred like a kitten. I got my food and thought I'd head over to the car wash and get the road salt off my car. (I recently had my car detailed inside and out - my Christmas present to myself - and I'm completely anal about it now)

I pull out into traffic, all is well. I'm about to tuck into my heart-killer breakfast when WHAM - my car stalled again. Now this time, I was actually driving it when it cut out. After I struggled around the corner (let me just say that turning a corner in a Jeep 4x4 with no power steering is just ugly!) I put it in park and started it up.

Now I'm sitting at the corner of a major Ohio artery and a little side street. In front of me is a Goodyear auto shop and me, in my infinite backward underwear wisdom, decide that I can get it home instead of just pulling in there.

Putting it into drive, off I go down the street. I made it about 150 yards and BAM, it did it again. Now I'm concerned. My Jeep has been through some tough terrain, weather etc and I couldn't keep it running on a flat, paved road. BWAH!

I did manage to make it another 300 yards or so until it died at a stop sign. After calling a friend and whining, I called AAA and they sent out a car hauler. (because it is a 4x4, they don't tow them, they put them on a flat bed instead) I explained what my car did and the guy said it sounded like bad gas.

"Sounds like bad gas to me." he said.
"No, that isn't it." I said.
"What do you think it is?"
"I put my underwear on backwards."
He started laughing so hard his false teeth almost popped out.
"You don't understand. This car has never broken down on me in five years and seventy-five thousand miles. But I put my underwear on backwards this morning and my car paid the price for my laziness."
He laughed harder.

Ya know, sometimes people just don't understand me.

Moral: If you put your undies on backwards, change them right quick or a man with false teeth will have to rescue you and he'll laugh at you!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

13 Last Minute Christmas Gifts

13 Last Minute Christmas Gifts

1. Online gift certificates! They are one size fits all and you don't have to get dressed to buy them.

2. Flowers - I don't know about anyone else but I just love flowers.

3. Breakfast in bed

4. A card you've made yourself - you have a computer, there are at least a million online card creation sites

5. Foot rub - oh yeah...

6. Give the wife / boyfriend / roommate a night off - pick up their household chores for the evening.

7. Make dinner

8. Pick up dinner

9. Wash your beloved's car inside and out

10. Write a love note

11. Spa gift certificates - everyone loves a manicure / pedicure - even men

12. Pick up a much loved snack and a fun, new DVD and prepare for a relaxing evening

13. Gift cards - as with online gift cards - they are all one size fits all!

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Monday, December 17, 2007

Manly Monday!

Gives new meaning to "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus..."