The art of the snark & maintaining your composure as the cabin decompresses...

At a young age I'd already perfected the snark though back then it wasn't called that. My father used the term 'smart ass' or 'wise ass'. My question for you - is your ass really wise or smart? I mean, it kinda just sits there...pardon the pun.

"Ewww...you're adopted...your parents didn't want you..."
"Oh yeah? Well my parents chose me and yours were stuck with you."

But I digress. I was adopted at an early age and back in the (koff) early seventies (koff) it was unusual to be adopted let alone admit it. Somehow it had become a topic of conversation at school and the kids began to tease me about it and this was when the snark spirit came alive in me.

"Damn, did you see how fat she is?"
"Fat can be cured, stupid can't."

Mean people, you know, the ones that say nasty things behind your back - in general they're wimps. If they had the balls God gave them, when they had an issue they'd say it to your face. But we all know people like that - who bend with the breeze of the climate of their friends. In general they will just suck the life out of you. All it takes is a little face to face action and they'll back down like cotton candy in the rain.

"I heard she blew the gym teacher to get an A."
"Who told you this?"
"The gym teacher."
"And you were dumb enough to believe him?"

Tyler Perry (Director, Actor, Playwright - I HIGHLY recommend checking out his plays, they are hilarious) put it best when he said there were three kinds of people in the world. Leaves, branches and roots. The leaves are the friends that are only there for a good time - can't depend upon them but they are amusing for the moment.

"She could sell advertising on an ass that size..."
"You could too if you'd quit shoving your finger down your throat..."

The branches are the friends that want to be dependable but just don't have the backbone to do it. In order to be a good friend, it takes effort on all parts and these guys are in it for the short run. Put too much pressure on them and they snap.

"Hey babe, you look like you need to get lucky..."
"Why, are you leaving soon?"

Then there are the roots. The roots are the ones who are with you for the long haul. They've seen your stretch marks and heard about your hemorroids and love you anyway. They help you hide the bodies and know where your secret chocolate stash is - they let you rant and rave about your significant other (or insignificant other depending upon your mood) and they don't think you're nuts to stay with him/her. They're the ones who have your back in a dog fight...or a white sale - whichever comes first.

So what is the point of this blog?

Say what you mean and mean what you say. People may (will) try to twist it but if you're honest, there's nothing about that which can be twisted. When people draw erroneous conclusions about you, your person or your spirit, it only reflects badly upon them. Chances are they are feeling unhappy or threatened by you in some way - that's when the bitch comes out.

Don't ever dull your shine to make someone else feel better about themselves - they won't appreciate it.

ROCK ON!

Tyler Perry - as prophet?

Tyler Perry, playwrite, director, actor and author is, IMHO, one of the funniest and most talented men in the business. He has a slew of movies he's written
but I prefer, the filmed stage plays. The reality of theatre is you never know what will happen during a play - which is just like life. You just never know what will come at you.

So I was watching, MADEA GOES TO JAIL (Perry plays Madea, a hilarious pot-smoking, gun toting grandmother with a whacked sense of humor and a very strong sense of family - in all of Perry's work there is a deep gospel element) and I was contemplating my bellybutton...sorry, wrong dream.

I was thinking about friendships. Lately it seems that a few of my friends have done lost their minds and I was debating one of life's most difficult lessons, at what point do you cut off a potentially explosive relationship?

I'd put MADEA GOES TO JAIL in the DVD player and was lauging myself silly - Perry is brilliant, did I mention that? There is actually a part in the play where Madea talks about relationships and she made the statement, 'There are three kinds of friends, leaves, branches and roots.' Leaves are the ones that toss in the wind and come and go like bad weather. They're the ones that you'd go out and party with but they'd leave you stranded if they found a better proposition.

Yeah, we all know those.

Branches are the friends who are weak and they bend in the breeze. They want to help but every time they let you down when you need them. They are usually self-centered and they lack a spine when the chips are down.

Then come the roots. These are the ones that are in it for the Long Haul. They grow deep and they hold you up when you need it, strap you down when you act out, and they hang tight no matter what the circumstance. Everyone needs at least one root in their life.

Most of my friends are branches and leaves - but I have some roots, at least eight come to mind. Debbie, Cheyenne, Carol, Lorraine, Libby, Kat, Tim and my dearest Dano. How I love them all - they've kept me sane and smacked me in the butt when I needed it and cheered me on when I didn't. They've been there for the good and the bad - that's what a root is all about.

So tell me about your roots.