Sunday, October 21, 2007

No Kids Allowed!

From the time I was very young I knew I didn't want to have kids. I'm not saying I don't like children, I do - they're great on toast. (just kidding) I simply don't want to raise one. I can remember my mother laughing at me and saying, "you'll change your mind."

Uh, no, I won't and haven't.

I'm 42 and completely happy with my decision to remain single and child-less. I didn't have a normal childhood - my father was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis before I was born and when I turned 14 he broke his hip and that was that. He remained in a bed for 17 years until the day he died. I spent most of my child and young adult-hood taking care of my parents and guess what - I don't want to take care of anyone else. :)

It's always funny to me how society believes that those of us who choose to not have kids are unfulfilled in our lives. While it is more acceptable now, I still see it when I meet someone new and they question almost always comes up.

Do you have children?

No, I have dogs instead. :)

The double whammy comes in when they learn I'm not married. That's when the look turns pitying and they try to determine what is defective about me that no man would want to marry me or breed with me.


Society still harbors the mistaken impression that a woman cannot possibly be fulfilled if we don't have a man in our bed and children underfoot. And to add to that antiquated picture, we now have to have full time, high-powered careers and drive a Lexus. Of course personal trainers, manicures and charity work - let's not forget that part.

It's crap and I personally blame that stupid television show, The Housewives of Orange County, for keeping those myths alive. What a bunch of empty-headed, boob obsessed women! The end all be all of life isn't a perfect waistline of being seen in the 'right' car LADIES.

Sorry, had a moment.

Anyway - I laugh when people jump to their own conclusions about how I live my life. I'm fine with not having kids, between my sisters and my best friend I have about 10 children of various ages in my life. I love them, I play with them and I hand them back when I'm done. It's a perfect system.

As for marriage - its very rare that I feel lonely. I've had some amazing men in my life and I know that if I had married my soulmate then I wouldn't be a writer. (there's always a price to be paid for everything isn't there?) Am I willing to give up writing to have a man in my life?

Uh, no.

Maybe someday I will settle down (kids are still out of the question), but not anytime soon. I'm having way too much fun. :)


Minime said...

I think it is very understandable why you wouldn't want children or a man in your life. Do I think less or you or pity you? No. It's your choice and you got to do what makes you happy.

blessedheart said...

Hi JC,
What makes you happy is what's important, not what anyone elase thinks. We all have to make choices in life,and we're entitled yto our opinions. I applaud you for standing firm with your beliefs and desires.

Rhonda :-)

Carolan Ivey said...

My sister in law elected not to have kids. 1) Her three older bothers have 9 between them, and 2) she married a perpetual 4-year-old (see your 10/22 post!). So who can blame her? :)