Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The art of the snark & maintaining your composure as the cabin decompresses...

At a young age I'd already perfected the snark though back then it wasn't called that. My father used the term 'smart ass' or 'wise ass'. My question for you - is your ass really wise or smart? I mean, it kinda just sits there...pardon the pun.

"Ewww...you're adopted...your parents didn't want you..."
"Oh yeah? Well my parents chose me and yours were stuck with you."

But I digress. I was adopted at an early age and back in the (koff) early seventies (koff) it was unusual to be adopted let alone admit it. Somehow it had become a topic of conversation at school and the kids began to tease me about it and this was when the snark spirit came alive in me.

"Damn, did you see how fat she is?"
"Fat can be cured, stupid can't."

Mean people, you know, the ones that say nasty things behind your back - in general they're wimps. If they had the balls God gave them, when they had an issue they'd say it to your face. But we all know people like that - who bend with the breeze of the climate of their friends. In general they will just suck the life out of you. All it takes is a little face to face action and they'll back down like cotton candy in the rain.

"I heard she blew the gym teacher to get an A."
"Who told you this?"
"The gym teacher."
"And you were dumb enough to believe him?"

Tyler Perry (Director, Actor, Playwright - I HIGHLY recommend checking out his plays, they are hilarious) put it best when he said there were three kinds of people in the world. Leaves, branches and roots. The leaves are the friends that are only there for a good time - can't depend upon them but they are amusing for the moment.

"She could sell advertising on an ass that size..."
"You could too if you'd quit shoving your finger down your throat..."

The branches are the friends that want to be dependable but just don't have the backbone to do it. In order to be a good friend, it takes effort on all parts and these guys are in it for the short run. Put too much pressure on them and they snap.

"Hey babe, you look like you need to get lucky..."
"Why, are you leaving soon?"

Then there are the roots. The roots are the ones who are with you for the long haul. They've seen your stretch marks and heard about your hemorroids and love you anyway. They help you hide the bodies and know where your secret chocolate stash is - they let you rant and rave about your significant other (or insignificant other depending upon your mood) and they don't think you're nuts to stay with him/her. They're the ones who have your back in a dog fight...or a white sale - whichever comes first.

So what is the point of this blog?

Say what you mean and mean what you say. People may (will) try to twist it but if you're honest, there's nothing about that which can be twisted. When people draw erroneous conclusions about you, your person or your spirit, it only reflects badly upon them. Chances are they are feeling unhappy or threatened by you in some way - that's when the bitch comes out.

Don't ever dull your shine to make someone else feel better about themselves - they won't appreciate it.



Kate Douglas said...

I like this post a lot. Need I say more?

Cheyenne said...

I agree with Kate. Unfortunately I have never been good with comebacks. They might occur to me, oh, a few days later...

That's one of the reasons why I love you so much JC--you know how to make me laugh. And when I hang around you, then I don't have to worry about comebacks 'cause you'll give 'em for me. *g*

Cindy Holby said...

I love your tree analogy. I always say there are givers and there are takers. And the takers keep taking and taking and taking. The givers are just happy with the giving. I've known lots of leaves and very few roots but when it comes to my friends, I am a root all the way.

J.C. Wilder said...

Thanks, ladies. :)

J.C. Wilder said...

Cindy - all you need are a few good roots in your life and you're set. I used to collect people the way some collect baseball cards and its way too much work. :)


Monica Burns said...

Okay, will you take me to the Lohman's sale??? I want to make sure I get first dibs on whatever I see. I know you'll get my back. *grin*

Nice post, and love the roots. I don't have many, but the ones I have I cherish.

Oh, and my comebacks always hit me AFTER Elvis has left the fricking building. *sigh*

oh, and did you really need to be on another loop anyway?? *grin*


Shannon Dauphin said...

Amen and Hallelujah.

I might print this post out and put it on my bulletin board. Inspiration to keep on keeping on...even when all I really want to do is lose my composure and smack the hell out of somebody who deserves it.


J.C. Wilder said...

It is hard some times isn't it, Shannon? :)

Lauren Dane said...


Lori Foster said...

JC, you rock. And you know, the thing I admire most about you, is that you don't expect the roots to always agree with you. LOL.
You and I have had many disagreements on everything from politics to society. But when you're right, you're right, and you know I'd be there, with an assumed "ditto" from you.

Through all this RT mess, if you'd been drunk and were making things up, I'd write or call you and say, "JC, quit. Seriously." LOL
But as you said, when you speak the truth, it's pretty darned easy for the roots to stay rooted.

Big hugs!