Sunday, May 04, 2008

Taking the High Road

One trick my father taught me was when I wake up in the morning, to automatically say, 'this is the first day of the rest of your life.' Okay, it is a little schmaltzy but it does serve as an important reminder - no matter what you do in life, that deed can be redeemed. You cannot change your history but you can change the path you're walking.

I grew up in a negative household. It was always about what bad thing was going to happen next. Both of my parents were ill and I was the major caretaker, I was the one that held it together and it was hard, harder than even I can imagine or remember.

In my late thirties I decided I'd had enough of that constant negativity and I decided to turn it around. Rather than the 'why me' mentality I'd picked up in childhood, I turned it around to 'if I have enough breath to bitch about it, then I'm doing better than many.' How true that is.

In the past few years I turned myself from a glass half empty to a glass half full personality and that is something I love about myself. A sense of humor and the ability to see through all the bull is what will get you through life with a lot less bumps than someone who is constantly negative. There is nothing that I can't handle - I can roll with the punches and come up smiling.

I lost sight of that for a few minutes.

There has been a lot of negativity swirling around me lately and I allowed myself to get sucked into it. I forgot one of my life 'rules', just because someone says something, that doesn't make it true.

Several people have been making erroneous negative statements about me and my person and after two weeks of nonstop negativity, I allowed myself to get sucked in yesterday. I was angry, depressed and feeling negative about everything until I remembered something important - they weren't talking about me.

One of my favorite ANTM moments is when some of the girls are gossiping about another girl and they were being very bitchy about it. 'Mama' stepped in and told them, 'when someone is hating on someone else, it isn't about that person. It's because the haters are feeling insecure or threatened by the person they are hating on.'

How true it is. I don't know why certain people have decided I'm their target of the moment but it really doesn't matter as sooner or later it will be someone else. Rather than poking at me they should be looking at themselves and their lives to try and determine why they are acting out in such a hateful fashion. It's their issue, not mine.

So repeat after me - Just because someone says something, it doesn't make it true.

So for those who continue to take shots at me, just imagine what you could accomplish if you used your talents for good rather than bad? :)


Lori Foster said...

Lady, everyone knows it's not true - me thinks even the one posting it.
It's more about not being able to let it go, or looking for the last word or something. Not sure.
It is sort of sad. It bothers me to see authors sabotaging themselves, usually through a lack of understanding on how this stuff comes back to chew on your own butt.

The high road is always the easiest one to navigate.
Big hugs!


Cindy Holby said...

Yep, it seems to be that the more certain people go on about this the worse they look. Something about if you point at someone then three fingers are pointing back at you.

Let's move on people! Please!

Kelley Nyrae said...

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I totally respect your attitude about it. Keep doing what you're doing and don't let others get you down.

Monica Burns said...

I didn't see your post yesterday as negative or defensive. And yes, it is easy to get sucked in.

Taking the high road is never easy, because the ego always wants to slam back. Personally I think class wins out every time, and clearly you just won the war.

Rachel.C said...

JC, you have to think of it this way. I'm here every day to hear what you have to say. I'd buy one of your books in a heartbeat. I'm bought books from the other but I won't ever again. Not because she's mouthing off about you and I feel I must defend you in that small way but because it's got to be the must unprofessional thing I'm seen in this industry so far.
I'm glad you're feeling better about. I am still waiting for the second coven book though, do you think now you could get back to that?

J.C. Wilder said...

Lori - it bothers me to see authors sabotaging themselves as well. If I didn't think she'd use it against me, I would've emailed her personally.

Kelley - thanks!

Monica - you crack me up.

Rachel - thank you for your lovely words, I deeply appreciate them. As for the next Coven book - you'll be happy to know that I finally have the beginning done. :)So stick around, I will post the prologue on my blog before the end of the month.


Stacey said...

Hugs! : )

Stacey K.

Lauren Dane said...

*smooches* girl, I go offline for a bit to finish my shizz and it's still going on. Sigh. How about instead of shut up and fish we say STFU and write?