Monday, April 21, 2008

The mad dash to assume

A popular romance blog picked up on my RT reports and the response has been interesting. While at the bookfair on Saturday a good number of attendees approached me and thanked me for my posts. They too were offended / annoyed at the over the top behavior of some attendees and they felt what I said mirrored their feelings as well.

As I keep saying, this blog is about my experience and if you feel the same way then guess what, we're both in good company. (Well, I think I'm good company because I'm almost always armed with snacks and a wide smile)

Which is a good segue into the spark for this post. One of the responses to Karen's post was this:

"Hm. My thought of the moment - if someone has to resort to Lycra maybe there’s a personal reason they get pissed at seeing another woman wearing see-through fabric? Can’t help but wonder."

Dear poster - you made me laugh and it was a big belly laugh because yes, I have a big belly and I embrace every fabulous inch of myself.

Firstly - I love the assumption that anyone with a few extra pounds would be jealous of someone who 'could' wear a see-through skirt.

Rebuttal - Since the average size of a woman in the United States is a size 14 / 16 I find this viewpoint to be interesting. If this con was a microcosm of our society then roughly 50% would be in this size range if not higher. The vast majority of people who were seen in their party garb were not a size 2 or even a 10. (if our average size is a 14/16 - why is it still the size 2 cover model that is held up as our ideal?)

I think what made me laugh the hardest was the the (very) common assumption that everyone of size (i call myself a woman of Epic Proportions ) would be jealous of someone in a see through skirt. It never occurred to the poster that maybe there are some of us who embrace and love our curvaceous bodies and we are secure in ourselves. That we don't need sheer skirts and a size 10 to be sexy - we are sexy as is.

I've been overweight all of my life. Two years ago I was blessed to be reunited with my biological sisters and guess what, we're all overweight. My family is German and we have the butts to prove it.

When I was younger it really bothered me that I had a tendency to lean to the heavy side of the scale but I'm so far past that now. So to anyone who is reading this and has some not-so-kind feelings about their body, come on in...the water is fine.

I'm 42 and I love every fabulous inch of my body. I am (a) friend, loving, daughter, sister, puppy momma, giving, beautiful woman, artist, writer, charity worker, civic volunteer, lover, warrior, poet, friend, confidant, hard worker, compassionate, loyal and more. And anyone who is reading this - go create your own list because I'm sure a great many of my attributes are yours too.

So to the poster who said: Hm. My thought of the moment - if someone has to resort to Lycra maybe there’s a personal reason they get pissed at seeing another woman wearing see-through fabric? Can’t help but wonder.

Not on your life, my friend. Beautiful / sexy isn't about what you put OUT there - its about what you carry inside. In order to be a size 14/16 if I had to exchange the knowledge and confidence that I'm a beautiful woman inside and out I'd take a pass. I sleep better knowing I have a good sense of self and I wouldn't trade that for all the sheer skirts in the world.


Amie Stuart said...

Just because you can wear something doesn't mean you should and honestly, I can't think of anyone who SHOULD wear a see-through skirt.

Color me old fashioned but there it is

ddurance said...

You go girl!

I believe you should feel good and comfortable in anything you wear, so if they felt that way in the clothes they were wearing, then all power to them.

That said, beauty is not only on the outside. I've seen people who should have been very good looking, but they were so nasty and mean, that they ended up very ugly in my eyes.

My family, especially the women, all tend to run heavy as well. My only concern with that is their health. If they are happy with themselves, that's okay. I just worry about it from the health stand-point. My mom just found out that she is diabetic, due in large part to her size. My aunt, her sister, is even bigger and has been diabetic for several years. I feel that this will happen to me as well if I don't try to be health conscious, therefore, I do go to the gym and try to eat right, though it is a constant struggle.

Some of the most beautiful people are those that are happy with themselves in any shape or form. It is interesting to note that typically those size 2 people are terribly unhappy in all aspects of their lives. So let's all just love ourselves as we are!

charleneteglia said...

Good for you, JC! It's much better to accept yourself than judge yourself by your clothing size.

Writer & Cat said...

Tangent: My kids have several see-thru skirts they wear over their pants or leggings when they're playing dress up at home. Sometimes they prefer the skirts on their heads. Sometimes on the cats. Sometimes over nothing. But the little one's been a total nudist lately since it enables her free range whizzing. Potty training is a bitch, dude.

Lori Foster said...

Oh JC. A see-thru skirt? Really?
And just because you recognized that as inappropriate, someone wants to throw a dig at women of size???? Very, very sad, and very, very poor taste. Shame on the person who made that comment.

I'm not the morals police - I'll say that again and again and again. But I don't have to associate with things I find very distasteful, and see-thru skirts worn anywhere outside of a play or in private is distasteful to me.

Every post you've written about the RT con has been dead on. If someone feels defensive about that, to the point she wants to insult every woman with a voluptuous body, then she's totally missing the point. And unfortunately, nothing you say or do will ever matter or get through to her.
Ignore the distractions, and keep being your wonderful self.

Big hugs!


Anne said...

Well said JC! I did not get to attend RT this year but I have been 5 times. So I know exactly what you are talking about. My problem with the see-through Skirt is that it IS Somethings I do NOT want to see be it a size 2 or 42. Some women just plain loose their minds at RT but to me that is the funniest part seeing what people wear and then laughing with my friends about it.

Marianne LaCroix said...

Whooohooo JC! As a BBW myself, I don't feel jealous of thin women who wear see through clothing either. I am offended that I have to look at thier lack of professionalism. Did you see the chick at the fairy ball in her see through underwear and nothing else? My eyes!!

I am sexy. Hubby thinks I'm sexy. What more do I need? It IS all about the beauty within.

I was so thrilled to have those few moments to chat with you at RT. It meant so much, you don't know.

Oh, and I know all about the wonder of Lycra, but it is nice to get home to my comfy clothes.

Brit Blaise said...

What is sexy about seeing it all? Seriously! My release on Sunday has a plus-sized heroine and I'm already getting praises. Woohoo!

Frankly, you were very gracious. More that I could've been.

Kris Eton said...

I know this post is months old, but I just had to comment. JC, my family too has German Butt Syndrome...and we love our butts (as do our husbands). Just had to send out a 'hoo-yah' for the German-American ladies out there!