RT - the pieces that get stuck between your teeth

I'm home and safe in my bed covered in very happy dogs. I literally hit my bed face down and woke up to the debris of a Reese's Big Cup (luvs them like a fat kid loves brownies) sprinkled across my pillow. I guess I can count myself lucky that if I did sleep eat, at least it was a Reese's and not a pillow...tv remote...

This morning I felt like a sweat sock owned by a fourteen year old boy. I've been running on 4 - 5 hours of sleep a night and I'm a girl that LOVES my sleep so I'm happy to be home in my soft clothes.

Sunday morning was the Samhain Publishing party and it was such fun. We raced around to setup the room, had tons of giveaways and yummy food. The California Roll was EXCELLENT. It must have come from outside of the hotel as it was the best thing I had to eat all week. :)

Two of the lovely cover models were there, one was Fred and the other...don't know his name. (If anyone knows who it was, please let me know as I'd love to give him a shout out) They were kind enough to assist me in pulling the names for the drawings and allow me to tease them. They were perfect gentlemen and I'm pleased to report that the readers had lots of fun and no clothing was removed!

A huge thank you to everyone who attended and allowed my to perform my Wylder Road Show one final time. I'm quite happy to report the public Wylder has been shoved (kicking and screaming) into her coffin not to come out until the Lori Foster Event in June. (Sorry Lori, I can only keep her locked up so long - even prisoners are allowed exercise)

Now onto the juicy stuff -

As I mentioned in a previous post, last night was the Dorchester party and it was great fun. I'm a wanna be Prom Queen like most women and I love chair dancing. The Butterscotch Martini Girls and I shared a table with Jo the Librarian (secretly a wild woman in disguise) and several other fabulous women. We had much fun and enjoyed the band (thanks to Kathy Love and the Impalers) and watched the show. The theme was boots and there were shoes the likes of which I've never seen before. I don't know about anyone else but DAYUM - I'd have killed myself just taking one step in some of them.

How did those girls walk on their toes like that?

My usual way of keeping myself amused at conferences is to hit the bar and remain there until the cleaning staff try to run a duster over me. I have a severly degenerated left leg due to a bad break about 20 years ago so walking and standing can be difficult for me so I let people come to me in the bar. Most of my friends call it holding court, I call it a necessity as I can't do what I used to do...but I will again soon so dance floors...WATCH OUT. Wilder will be In Da Howse!

So last night I spent 3 hours in the bar watching baseball.

Baseball you say...

Yes, baseball - now let me explain the game. We have teams consisting of individuals in said bar and various actions on their part or their opposing team or themselves are how we score. For example -

Team 1 - EC Caveman (and the title suits him)
Team 2 - Blonde girl in stripper garb

Scoring
A touch between the shoulder and waist - first base
A touch on the thigh - second base
A leg around the oposing teams leg - third base
Grabbing the crotch - HOME RUN

How we play - We have a commentator (just call me Howard Cosell with better fashion sense) and we have the spectators. anyone can call out a play and when the teams part that is the end of the inning. When they come back together it was BATTER UP.

And yes, I was the one yelling this in the bar.

It started slowly with myself and a few friends. I was sitting on the right side of the bar facing the bar when the two teams came into view. Seated at the bar - team one was on the phone for at least 20 minutes while team two tried to run the bases multiple times until team one would strike them out.

Additional commentary - first off, why would you want to put your hands in the lap of a man WHO IS TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE AND BRUSHING YOU OFF? Have some respect for yourself woman - its no wonder 'men are pigs' when the ladies are so willing to debase themselves like this. Never allow anyone to treat you with the respect that you deserve.

NEVER.

Commentary over.

Over the course of three hours my group ebbed and flowed. At one point we had THIRTEEN people in chairs lined up in a row watching the rest of the bar like it was a live play. Now I ask you, how can people have NOT known what we were doing?

During the evening I called the plays, the spectators mingled to get the up close and in your face (or crotch) action. At one time we had at least 40 -people playing the game and the teams were oblivious. Of course John DeSalvo thought we were hootting him.

As if. Dude...its just not about you. (Oh, and for you bar afficinados - he was the one who removed the tampon from the Scene's sign - wash your HANDS, please)

So on the game went until a third team came on the scene. A woman in black velvet who was trying to make a move on team one. Team two wasn't having none of it so teams two and three were involved in a power struggle while team one hit on a new chick, aka team four.

Ladies - please refer to the commentary above.

Then along came teams five and six. For those of you lucky conference goers - team five was the CAVEman I refer to as potted plant boy (thanks to Cassie Ryan). I heard other references to him such as mop head and porn star. (Yes, this was the caveman with porn roots...and speaking of roots - DUDE, that is the worst weave ever. Next time try to spent at least 2.00 dolla on your tracks and avoid Kim's Cheap Weaves And Press On Crotches - Sally's Beauty Supply is so much better)

Sorry - momentary diversion.

Anyway - teams five and six arrive and I just happened to be up by the bar with the cheerleaders. yes I know baseball doesn't have cheerleaders but I'm a football girl so there you go. One of the cheerleaders said that when team five saw me he looked as if he'd been hit in the face with his bad weave. (Oh, and another clue - hair doesn't grow 10 inches in one year unless you're a chia pet) I thought that was funny as I tore him a new one (in a quiet and ladylike way of course) about acting like chipmunk boy in the bar on tuesday evening and bouncing off furniture. There are quite a few attendees with canes and wheelchairs - running around like a beserker isn't attractive nor a good idea.

So anyway - after a few hours the game died down. I think team 2 did hit a homer (caught them sucking face outside) and I was pretty sure I caught at least a crotch grab which was a home run. All said and done, I think team two did an outstanding job of running the bases and she definitely wins an award for most gold chain on one outfit.

Congratulations - you've won a compimentary pair of panties and a rabies shot. Good show! (Okay, that was bitchy even for me)

I then spent quite a bit of time chatting with CJ and Rodney, both of whom I adore. As we were sitting there there another show ensued, this one involved a flogger and rear ends. As the shouting and camera flashes increased, Rodney and I looked at one another and we said "I can't be involved in this" and we left.

Quotable quote from one of the cavemen - "This has been five days of pure hell."

Sometimes there are no words.